Stolen Hearts
by EmbersArmy
Summary: As if trying to fit in with the real world wasn't hard enough, try trying to fit in when you're a mutant turtle. It took awhile, but we finally figured out that mutants and humans just couldn't be romantically involved. I accepted it, but I found an alternative. Sadly, that alternative was looking me dead in the eye while having no idea about the things I thought towards him.
1. Chapter 1

**WARNING: If you don't like tcest then I would recommend not reading this. I don't want to hear anything about it because you've been warned…*evil glare***

**I think I can become a stronger writer if I experiment on all types of writing. I probably won't like this one bit lol. It's like a fanfiction initiation! LOL **_**Thou must write a tcest story to be a true fanfictioner. **_**Ok let's see how this goes. Sorry for the short first chapter but I wanted to get the intro out of the way (cuz I'm cool like that)**

**Disclaimer: no duh**

**Prologue**

As if trying to fit in with the real world wasn't hard enough, try trying to fit in when you're a _mutant turtle_. My name is Leonardo, and I'm the oldest of my three brothers; Donatello, Michelangelo and Raphael.

We were all mutated into what we are today in a freak accident, that took place 17 years ago, with something scientists called "mutagen". Along with us, an old rat was also subdued to the mutagens life altering effects. Once we all became tripled in size and intellect, the rat decided to adopt us as his own.

As my brothers and I grew, we were taught in the code of Bushido and the art of Ninjitsu, a fighting style. Our bodies were not only growing taller but now since this new training began; we were growing larger in mass as well. Once Splinter, our father, decided we were ready, he let us out into the real world to put our skills to the test. Little did he know that when he sent us out that night, it would give us a nice smack in the face about how different we _really_ were.

That was almost 4 years ago. Even though we were technically mutated animals, we could do more than just fight and look cute. We were mutated with human DNA. We could feel emotions and react to them. We could feel love, pleasure, and desire. We've been going through that stage ever since and we are all very unstable right now when it comes down to it.

2 years ago is when we really started to get the idea of love and everything that came with it. It actually all started with Donnie who had a crush on our friend April. In his heart, he loved her for the longest time. That is, until he finally realized where reality drew its line. Mutants and humans just couldn't be together.

Try to imagine it from our perspective. Mutant turtles don't exactly have a way with the ladies or the entire human race for that matter. Donnie shut down when he realized how much of his life he was wasting with April who had absolutely no feelings for him besides amity. However, even though Don's spark for her April had died out, his want and need for a compainion didn't.

Donnie went through this time in his life when he separated himself from us. We didn't see much of him for almost 2 weeks until he finally emerged looking like he went through a world war. When our father asked him about it, he refused to tell anyone up until about a year ago.

One night Donnie collected all of us, except Splinter, in his room. It's a night I will never forget and I know it will be with me until the day I die. He pretty much told us why he had acted the way he did for those few weeks. His answer was blood curdling. He told us he was pretty much going through withdrawal and he said if he didn't isolate himself from us, he thought he would have done very bad things. Things that he knew he would regret.

Donnie realized something vitally important. Since every living creature has the desire to be with another, that drive can never leave so you have to find a way to fix it. When Donatello realized everyone in the world would reject him, just like April did, he got a bad idea. A very BAD idea.

"What if the only people who can accept me, is the people who are like me?" He had told us. "And I don't me as friends…I mean as something more."

That's why he locked himself away. So he wouldn't try to pursue us in any way because deep inside he thought he knew it was wrong.

Right now, I wish I had Donatello's brains to help hold me back like he had, to help keep my thoughts at bay and keep me from doing something stupid. But I can't help it. Like Donnie said, you can't fight certain feelings. However, he also said you can control them, but right now, that didn't seem like an option.

It wasn't Donnie I was after, though; it was the red clad turtle standing in front of me.

**Next chapter won't be this short (pinkie swear)**

**Reviews appreciated, loved, wanted, needed, eaten, slept upon, drunken, taking into high consideration, admired, looked upon, and meditated upon. THANKS!**


	2. Chapter 2

**(Leo's POV)**

My sudden fascination with my brothers happened a few days ago when April and her boyfriend, Casey, decided to pay a visit to our lair in the sewers. Little did we know April had brought a friend with her that she wanted us to meet.

She did confront us about it first before letting her friend in. I had only allowed it because April wanted her to see us because this girl was doing a project on mutations in college. Since April said she trusted the girl with her life, I took her word for it. Once we saw our new guest, however, it wasn't the trust issues I was worried about, it was her reaction.

Her name was Warner but she was more Donnie's type then she was the rest of ours. She was a nerd girl who was instantly fascinated with us at first sight.

Keep in mind that my brothers and I are going through these hormonal changes. The awe with our sexuality was at somewhat of a peak.

The whole experience was awful. Her constant touching of us wasn't helping the phase my brothers and I were going through. I could see the discomfort in their faces as she wanted to feel every part of their bodies and see how they worked. She wasn't even embarrassed to travel into treacherous waters. I was already too overprotective of my brothers from the start and if she was causing them to be distressed, I wanted to end it so I pulled her off.

It didn't end though and even though I reminded April about _things,_ she insisted on letting Warner stay for a little while longer. So I foolishly agreed.

After Warner's touchy period was over, she began to ask questions, very _personal_ questions.

_What's it like to be mutated? What does the world think of you? How do you deal with hormones? Can you feel emotions like the rest of us? Are you in love with anyone? How do you mate?_

That's when I told Warner to leave.

Once I kicked her out, Raphael stormed off to his room for the rest of the night. Casey understood better about our situation more than April did and he apologized repeatedly for not saying something sooner. I had to thank Warner in some way, however, because she really opened my eyes and helped me understand exactly what Donnie was thinking all those years ago. He was so right and I felt like an idiot for not realizing it sooner. Maybe I could have even saved him the pain of his heartbreak had I known.

We could never have the glory of dating and marriage like every other couple. Even worse yet, sex was way out of the question. No human wanted us. But everyone else did it so why did the world have to pick on us and say no? Why us? What did we ever do to anyone but try to make New York City safer for the humans to live in? I became so angry that night thinking about all these things. My poor brothers, I couldn't imagine what this might be like for them.

The sad truth was that we were four very determined teenagers and there was no way we were going to let our conditions stop us from having fun like everyone else. Well, I wasn't going to anyway.

"Leonardo!" Master Splinter called out to me and brought me out of my daydream. Raphael was standing in front of me with his arms crossed over his chest, his biceps bulging out like a sore thumb. Look away Leo, look away.

I can't really explain what it's like to have feelings for one of your _siblings_. I was disgusted when Don brought it up and even more disgusted when _I_ started to fantasize about the exact same thing that I knew Don had been (and maybe still is) thinking about, a relationship with one of our brothers, a relationship that could eventually be sexual.

Besides physical desires, the one thing that I couldn't shake from my head was how I looked at my brothers. I wasn't looking at them with me being their leader anymore, I was thinking about being able to comfort them as more than that. Imagine how much calmer I can make them if my brotherly influence could expand deeper like one would do in a relationship. Would we all be more at ease?

"Leo!" Raph slapped me hard on the face. "Wake up shithead!"

"Don't touch me!" My words struck Raphael like swords. He immediately backed off, remembering that night with Warner thinking I might be sensitive to touch.

We all were at an understanding with the physical interaction limitations that needed to be drawn. (Remember, our Sensei had no idea what we were going through and I bet it never even crossed his mind. He was to worried about making professionals out of us that he didn't tend to the hormones we had. He didn't teach us how to properly control them and now it was backfiring).

However, I might be the only one who reacts the way I do since the brotherly touch fits my recent thoughts. Did Raph, Mikey and Donnie have thoughts about this stuff like I did? Donnie still, or no? I was too afraid to ask.

"I'm sorry…I just..."

"It's fine, Bro." Raph understood.

At the moment, I wasn't really attracted to any brother in particular.

"Yah wanna talk later?" He whispered so our sensei couldn't hear. "You've been actin all weird these last few days."

"Yeah, that whole thing with Warner has me bugged out." I admitted and he nodded in silent agreement.

"Raphael, Leonardo! Do you not listen to anything I say?! Weaponless combat, NOW!" Splinter ordered.

This would be the first time I would do a weaponless combat since all these thoughts started to roam freely inside my brain. I was worried I would react in a mistaken way if Raphael touched me in the wrong/right spot.

"Sensei…I think we should practice staffs again. I think Don is getting a little rusty." I smiled and gestured to the purple clad turtle who looked offended.

"Never would I have expected my most loyal student to question me." Splinter frowned at me in disappointment. Great, just what I needed to hear right now. I loved my training with a passion and hearing my own teacher say I wasn't loyal just put the icing on the cake.

"I have to go." When I started to walk toward the dojo's exit, Donatello and Michelangelo stepped out of my way and let me through despite the fact that Splinter was yelling for them to stop me.


	3. Chapter 3

"Leo, yah in there?" I heard Raphael's voice materialize on the other side of my bedroom door a few hours later.

"No." My head was covered with a pillow and my voice was muffled. I really didn't want to see him right now or any of my brothers for that matter. Despite this, Raphael let himself in and sat down on the edge of my bed.

Remembering that I had to be a strong leader around my brothers no matter what I was going through, I sat up and took a deep breath.

"How's Splinter?" I began the conversation.

"Pretty shocked, Bro. We all are. I can't believe you just walked out on him like that. That aint you." Raph adjusted the fit of his red bandana and then propped himself up on my bed. "Yah said something about Warner?"

"Yeah"

"And? Yah ganna talk or do we have to play 20 questions?"

"It's not a big deal, Raph." I lied. Of course this was a big deal. "I just need to talk to Donnie."

"Donnie? Why Donnie? Aint I good enough?" Raph made an expression that told me I had offended him.

"No, you are but…I think Don might understand better."

"What?!" Raph picked his hands up off my bed and put them on his thighs while I tried my best not to follow their movements as they landed. "How do you know I can't understand if yah haven't even told me yet?!"

"Because I know what's wrong and _I_ know you won't understand." I wanted him to leave before my big mouth spilled everything out to him. It was going to happen soon, I could feel it.

"Is it…about a girl?"

A strange laughing sound escaped the back of my throat. I pretended to cough once Raph raised a brow line and looked at me expectantly.

"What's so funny?" He looked pissed beyond words.

"Nothing." I coughed again. "Can't you just let it go?" I started to feel my cheeks growing hot.

"No! My bro's acting all strange lately and I wanna get to the bottom of it."

"We've all been acting strange lately." My tone of voice softened and I looked down at the floor. I could feel Raph pondering over what I just said and he mumbled something in agreement. Chills went up my spine when I felt him shifting on the bed.

"Yah think Sensei knows? I mean, what's been goin on? He's probably suspicious ever since your last stunt, _Leo_." He said my name with emphasis.

"I think if you were in my position you would understand." I pointed a finger in his face and growled softly. He immediately slapped it away and got up.

"Fine, don't talk to me. What are Bros for? Oh yeah, nothing." He stormed out of my room.

"Leo's lookin for yah." I heard him say as he walked down the hall. A few moments later, Donnie poked his head in.

"You called?" He waited for me to grant him permission to come in. He sat down on the floor in front of me and crossed his legs over each other. Everyone knew to get on my good side whenever I was upset, all except Raph, So Donnie put on his best smile and stayed low to the ground as to not make me feel venerable.

For a moment we just sat there and looked at each other until he finally scooted a little bit closer and leaned in.

"Doctor Donnie at your service."

"I don't need Doctor Donnie. I need therapist Donnie." I sighed with a smile.

"Uh oh." His smile dropped and he looked concerned. "Are you going to say the same things Mikey did?"

"What did Mikey say? When?" I was surprised he immediately had an idea of what I wanted to talk about. I guess it was worse than I thought around here.

"After training was over. He was wondering what was wrong with you and I told him you were having personal problems. So then he started talking about girls and stuff." He looked guilty.

"How do you know what my problems are?" I unintentionally snapped at him and he recoiled back a little bit.

"Well…it's obvious."

"REALLY?!" I abruptly stood up off my bed and walked towards him. He got up as fast as he could and backed up towards the door. I grabbed ahold of his shoulders and slammed the back of his shell against my bedroom wall. I felt his muscles tense as soon as I had him and the warmth of his skin was unnaturally hot. "Donnie…" I couldn't believe I wasn't freaking out right now, now that I had one of my brothers in my hands. I guess I was too worried about what Master Splinter thought of me to care.

"I don't think Sensei knows about the hormonal problems." He said calmly, breaking the ice.

Good. We were on the same page at least.

"The others though…no one really has ever said anything but it's sort of an unspoken feeling between us. You know? Mikey admitted to it. I guess that's what you're doing right now." He stated.

"What about you?" I asked him with beads of sweat dripping down my face.

He hesitated and dropped the eye contact we had been holding. I followed his head with mine until he was looking right at me again.

"I was actually getting over it until Warner showed up. Then stuff happened and now I don't know." He frowned.

"Don't know about what?" I urged him to speak. I needed to know what he was thinking. I needed to know if he had the same feelings I had.

He dropped his gaze again and shifted in my arms uncomfortably. "Remember what happened 2 years ago? I think that's happening again."

I mentally sighed in relief and calmed down a great deal. "I'm sorry." I let go of his arms and let him have some space. I don't think I had the guts to tell him that I was feeling the same way. I was supposed to be the leader, the strong brother. I wasn't supposed to lust after someone _especially_ the way I was specifically doing it.

"I don't know… I guess the questions Warner asked us really hit home for me. I mean, she didn't even look at us as people…she looked at us as experiments." Don scrapped at the side of my bookshelf with his nails. "What if that's how April and Casey look at us? What if that's how everyone will always look at us?"

"You can't just assume things, Donnie. April and Casey have known us for years. They have to be used to it by now." I tried to cheer him up. I could tell he was trying to find a reason to back up his emotions.

"What am I supposed to think then? Is it ok for me to feel the way I do about you guys?!"

I slapped one of my hands over his mouth to silence him. "Listen, you can't tell the others about this, ok? If they're still stable then we don't want to put any ideas into their heads. For all we know Mikey still thinks he has a chance with the humans. Raph…I don't know about him."

"What about you? What do you think when you look at one of us?" He moved my hand away gently. Maybe too gently.

His question had caught me off guard along with his soft touch. Then I realized by excluding myself like I had just done, I set myself up for questioning.

"I don't know."

"No way. So I'm normal?! I'm not the only one?!"

"I didn't say that!"

"Oh but you were thinking it."

"You read minds now?"

"Well you're not denying it!" He smiled and chuckled to himself.

"I'm in the middle, ok? But only because of everything we just talked about; everything about the real world not accepting us. I guess the idea of two mutants "getting along" seems reasonable, even if they are our brothers."

"I saw the way you looked at Raph in the dojo." He was smiling cheekily.

I pulled my head back in surprise. He just found out that I was partially interested in my brothers JUST LIKE HE WAS and he decides to bring up Raphael instead of taking me for himself?

"What?" I was dumbfounded.

"Do you like him?"

"Don't say that!" I turned my back on him and walked the other way. "Don, it just doesn't sound right!" I was yelling by now but mostly because there was a war going on in my head.

"It's part of our nature, Leo!" He tried to slap some sense into me. "When a creature realizes it can't have something it _needs_, it tries to find an alternative. It's completely natural to feel the way we do."

We…he doesn't consider me a partial. He thinks I'm just like him. I don't know what goes through his head but I have a feeling that since he's swam in these incest waters longer than I have, they're a bit more graphic.

"People and animals alike need a companion! Maybe our need for that was delayed by our mutations but now it's coming back. I guess you and I are the only ones who realize what the human world is doing to us. It's shutting us out and now we're searching for that alternative."

"Don, please." I wanted him to be quiet. I didn't want him to make excuses for what we were both thinking. I wanted to be proven wrong, I want my head to be fixed.

I heard him sigh deeply like he did whenever he was thinking intensely about something.

"Maybe the human world thinks it's wrong…but they obviously don't want us in their world."

There it was. He was right. If the humans weren't ready to accept us, then why should we have to follow everything they think is right and wrong? Why should what Don and I are pondering about be considered a bad thing?

"What about Sensei?" For the first time in my life, I was seeking someone else for advice. For the first time in my life, I didn't know how to act and react to anything.

"He's so caught up in the human world. He follows their codes and laws."

"Bushido."

"Whatever." He smiled gently at me, sending a weird spike of thrill up my spine. "He'll probably kill all of us with his walking stick if he ever found out what we thought about each other, or at least you and me anyway. We can't tell him."

"So you're accepting it? This is really how you feel?" I asked him with sympathy.

He looked at the ground again and traced the pattern in the floor with his two toes. "Yeah, I guess it is how I feel. What about you, fearless leader?"

I looked up at the ceiling and blew air out of my mouth. "We can't tell the others yet, no one. Not even April and Casey."

Don suddenly looked ecstatic and ran up to me. He wrapped his arms around my torso and laid his head flat against my plastron.

"I knew you would understand."

I smiled and placed one of my hands on top of his head. I didn't know if I would have been able to go through this without Donatello. If I was having all these thoughts and had to manage them on my own…I don't even want to think about what my mental state would be like. So it makes me wonder how Don managed to get through it all those years ago.

**Thank you to the people who review (and those who don't...(I will find you) jk) I just double parenthesized. That just happened. **


	4. Chapter 4

After I spent another hour or so listening to Donatello talk about his newest idea's for inventions and all the new research he found in a few water samples he took weeks ago, we headed downstairs to get something to eat. I hadn't realized how late it was when all the lights were out and the lair was empty.

"It's a ghost town in here." Don tuned on the lights and screamed when he saw Raphael leaning against the fridge.

"Have a nice chat?"

"How long have you been down here?!" I moved closer to him and put on my best angry leader tone.

"I was waiting for Sensei to go to bed." Raph's voice was almost close to a whisper. "Mikey and I wanna go on night watch. You two comin or what?"

"Mikey, aren't you usually in bed by now?" I asked the orange clad turtle that was sneaking up behind me.

"Uh…no?" He whistled and put his hands behind his back. "I can't sleep, dude."

I looked him in the eyes and noticed that black coloring was starting to form around the edges of his mask. I hadn't even noticed it until now. Michelangelo was so outgoing that I failed to consider the fact that this phase could be affecting him just as bad as it is the rest of us.

"So what's the real reason you want to go on watch, Raph?" I crossed my arms over my chest and glared at him.

"Clear our heads maybe?"

"Go to a nightclub, find some girls…" Mike added.

"We're not going to a nightclub, Michelangelo." I rolled my eyes.

"Come on! We can go in costumes and they'll never suspect a thing!"

"Yeah, until she wants to have sex with you and notices yah have a shell and green skin." Raph spit into the sink and growled.

"I think going on watch sounds like a great idea." Donnie smiled and grabbed Raphael's arm. "Leo and Raph take the South while Mikey and I will take the North." He looked at me and winked. I widened my eyes and gave him the ugliest expression up until Raph noticed and made a face.

"Sounds good!" Mike chimed in. "Don and I will go clubbing, right Don?"

"Sure thing." Don shook his head and added an eye roll.

**::**

When we got up to the surface, we immediately separated and headed in different directions. As soon as Donatello was out of my sight, I felt venerable. It was just Raph and I. I couldn't believe Don just left me like that. He had to have known what I was going through, right? Being alone with Raph and not being able to say anything about…well…me…is going to be difficult. I knew he wouldn't be able to understand. He would judge me as soon as I told him.

"Let's get goin then." He kept his eyes ahead of him and started to climb a building's fire escape.

Maybe Raph was right. Maybe a night running through the crisp, clear night air would help me clear my mind...or it might make me throw myself at him. I knew I was probably over reacting. All I had to do was just stay calm and try think about something other than him.

Once he was a little was up the escape, I started to climb as well. I wasn't paying attention and ended up bumping right between his legs when he had stopped.

"Yo, watch where yah goin!"

"Sorry." I almost lost my grip on the ladder the palms of my hands were so sweaty. No, I couldn't play innocent. I had to keep acting like a leader so my obscure behavior could be easily overlooked. "Maybe you should say something before you stop so suddenly."

"Maybe _you_ should pay attention, fearless." He cocked his head and jumped the rest of his way up the ladder.

"I guess so." I rolled my eyes and climbed the rest of the way up. "I forgot that Raphael knows best." I waved my hands in the air sarcastically.

"Hey, yah didn't have to come. This was _my_ idea so you follow _my_ lead."

"Your lead?" I chuckled. "Or I could just go off on my own."

"We all know yah won't do that, Leo. You're too curious about what I have planned." He made a cocky facial expression and walked to the end of the roof.

"So you actually thought something through for once?" I asked while staring at the way the full moon reflected off his skin. I couldn't tell if it was sweat or just the texture of his body. Either way…it made each and every muscle on him stand out like a pop-up book. Look away Leo…

"Ever been to a bar?" He looked at me and grinned.

"We're not going to a bar, Raphael!"

"How do you know yah won't like it? You've never even tried it." He gave me that look that always drove me mad whenever we would get into an argument. Except this time, it was driving me mad in a different kind of way…

For some reason his expression stuck inside my head and spun around in small circles. What else don't I like that I've never even tried? I'm guessing the idea of incest maybe?

"Well…" I scratched the back of my head and sighed deeply. "I guess a few minutes wouldn't hurt." I gave in. At least it would give me more time to be with Raph and try to figure him out (all while not trying to be a love-hungry brother).

"That's the spirit, Leo!" He walked up to me and wrapped one his arms around my shell. "After you?" He gestured to the edge of the roof.

"Oh uh…sure." I, sadly, walked out of the warmth of his arm and jumped onto the next building. I kept running and doing the same thing until I heard Raph calling for me.

"Hey dipshit!"

I skidded to a stop and ran back to where we had started. I saw him standing on the ground in an alley with his arms opened like "what the hell?"

"Oh…well why didn't you say something?!" I felt embarrassed and jumped down to meet him.

"I just did." He rolled his eyes and walked up to a cellar door. He bent down and knocked on the hollow metal until the doors slowly opened and a man's head popped out.

"Hey Raphael. Long time no talk." The man opened the doors the rest of the way and then disappeared into the ground.

"You comin or yah just ganna stand there and catch flies?" He turned to me and asked.

I closed my mouth and stared at him. "How did you know this was here and how did that guy know you?" I questioned while walking over to the cellar.

"Questions later." He walked down the steps as I followed him. At the bottom, the man we just saw opened a small door that led us into a medium sized room.

"Oh geeze." I sighed at the sight of the place. There were at least 4 dozen people here trying to cram into this place that was too small to hold all of them. Music was beating out my eardrums and fog or smoke was being emitted from a small black machine in the corner of the room. In the center was a large wooden dance floor where men and women in little to no clothing were dancing together.

"What is this place?!" I had to yell over the sound of the music.

"It's where the freaks go at night!" He smiled. "…people who are rejected from the world, like us."

As we walked further inside, I stayed so close to Raph that both our arms were touching down to the backs of our hands. I've never felt so scared and claustrophobic in my life. Raphael's body was already starting to react to the heat in the room, causing sweat to drip down his arms and flow across mine. I wanted to get out of his place but I wanted to be close to Raph at the same time. I guess I would have to suck it up for now and be strong like a leader is supposed to be.

"Look." He pointed over to a table where three women were sitting.

"What?"

"Look closer."

I did and noticed that they each had something unique about them. One girl only had one arm while another was bald (I guessed she was sick with cancer) and the last one was seated in a wheelchair. They all had medical issues or were different in some way.

"What about them?"

"They're like us. The world don't want em so they come here to be accepted."

I noticed that almost every person down here had a unique disability. No two humans were the same and better yet, they didn't at all mind our presence either. They almost welcomed it with open arms. We did get a few looks however, but I think only because we were _very_ different. They didn't think much of it though. They would eyeball us up and down, smile, and then carry on with themselves.

"Wow…it's like we're one of them." I almost smiled myself.

"I know. That's why I come here a lot."

"We'll discuss this later, Raphael." I used my angry leader tone. He grinned apologetically and escorted me over to the bar. We were immediately greeted by a dark skinned man who recognized Raphael and shook his hand.

"Nice to see you again, Raphael." He said with a smile. "And who's this? Wait, lemme guess…a cousin?"

Raph chuckled and put his arm around me, again.

"Nah, this is by bro, Leo. Take it easy on him though. He's go the first time jitters." He chuckled deeply and I could feel the vibrations on my skin. It made chills run up my spine and flutter in the back of my neck.

"It's nice to meet you Leo." The man stuck his hand out for me to shake. I stared at it and wondered why he was greeting me like he was. No human ever did that to us besides April and Casey.

"Bro…" Raph gave me an angry look.

"Nice to meet you." I reached out and took his five fingers in my three.

"Excellent!" He shook me roughly. "I always love to see some new faces."

I smiled even though I had no idea why. With Raph's arm still around me, I looked around the bar and to the three women at the table. This was it. Would these people accept us for who we were because we were all alike? Would we finally be able to fall in love with the women in here who would actually like us back? I couldn't wait to tell Donnie about what I found. We wouldn't have to make alterations to the system like he said anymore.

I looked up to Raph to tell him everything that I've wanted to tell him since these last few nights. I wanted to tell him how I thought and what I had been thinking about all of them and what I didn't have to think anymore. We could love normally, love humans.

However, as I watched him make small talk with the bartender, the picture of his white teeth as he laughed at a joke and the amber in his eyes that glistened in the dark light of the bar, I started to wonder if I wanted to tell him at all. I started to wonder if I was actually falling in love with one of my brothers even when I didn't have to anymore.


	5. Chapter 5

**Bad word warning! I'm sorry…but it is rated for this exact reason so DON'T YELL AT ME**

"So what can I get you gentlemen to drink?" The bartender, whose name I found out was Tippy, threw a white cloth over his shoulder and leaned on the bar counter.

Raph looked at me, smiled, but then frowned when he noticed I wasn't speaking.

"What?" I unfolded my hands and glared at him.

"He's askin yah a question."

"He's asking you too, Raphael."

"I was letting you go first."

"Fine."

"Ah, brotherly love." Tippy laughed.

Ha, if he only knew.

"I'll just have water, please."

Tippy and Raph slowly turned their heads and looked at me like I was crazy. Tippy made a snorting nose and almost fell over laughing while Raph put his hand over his eyes and shook his head.

"What?!" I felt offended.

"You're at a BAR, bro. Why in the world would yah want water? Try something new for once." Raph slapped the back of my shell. "Start off easy with a few beers, Tippy."

"I don't want to get drunk." I didn't see what was so wrong with a glass of water. If I became intoxicated I might end up blurting out certain things that I don't need to be heard. I couldn't take that risk.

"There's a fine line between drunk and just having fun, fearless." Raph grinned and shook his head. "Why you so uptight? Maybe I should have just brought Donnie instead."

I opened my mouth to defend myself but realized that he was only trying to get under my skin. I shut it and leaned back in my seat.

Tippy returned with two glass mugs filled with a golden, bubbling liquid. Raph put one hand around the handle of his and slid the other one over to me. I instantly rejected it and looked the other way. I wasn't going to be pressured into doing this. Not even his good looks and cheap smiles could get me to do that.

"Look, Leonardo is it? One mug won't get you drunk, I promise. And if it does, they're on me." Tippy was standing in front of me with his rag on the table.

"No thank you."

"For God's sake, Leo." Raph sounded irritated. When I looked over to him, his mug was already halfway empty. Was I going to have to witness Raphael drunk? I had a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach that that was something I didn't want to see. What if he gets _so_ out of it that he becomes venerable to me and I take advantage of that?

I shook my head to clear the thoughts but apparently Raph took it as me rejecting the drink again.

"Fine, Tippy, get the baby some water." He wrapped his hand around my mug and for a quick second I could see the heat from his hand causing the outside of the glass to become foggy. He slid my beer over to himself and said it was my loss.

"I don't like this side of you, Raph." I told him quickly. "I'd rather see you put holes in the lair walls instead of doing this to yourself."

"It aint like I do it every night, Leo. Remember when everyone said "long time no see"? Yah, they usually don't say that if they see yah often." He finished off his mug, slammed it on the table and began drinking mine.

I rolled my eyes and propped my head up on my elbow. I was surprised Raph wasn't afraid I would tell Splinter about his drinking habits. He must trust me and that's a start, right?"

"Here you go." Tippy placed another glass in front of me. The entire outside of it was completely frozen and small chunks of ice were floating on the top of the clear drink.

"You sure keep your water cold." I scraped some of the ice off the side with my fingernails then picked it up and took a sip. The smell hit my nose before the taste did but by the time I realized it wasn't water, I had already swallowed a mouthful. It burnt the lining of my throat as it went down and I thought for sure I was going to choke to death from the suffocating feeling it gave me. I spit out whatever was left in my mouth and swiped the glass with my arm, making it collide with Raphael.

"Damnit, Raph!" I clasped my hands over my throat and stood up. Tippy was laughing his ass off but Raphael wasn't. He got up and ran over to me as quick as he could. With his arms around my shell and plastron, I collapsed.

"Tippy what did yah give him?!" Raphael's yelling was causing the people in the bar to stop and stare. I was coughing so hard trying to get the feeling out of my throat that I heard someone yell to call an ambulance.

"He's fine!" Raphael yelled to them. "You're ok, bro. Right?" He brought one of his hands up to my forehead and frowned. "You're burning up."

"I'm fine." The feeling was starting to go away and I could finally speak. It still felt like I had lava running down my throat though.

"What the hell, Tippy?!" Raph looked over at the bar and growled.

"That was crystalized vodka! I'd never seen anyone drink as much as he did!" He was laughing and banging his hand off the bar.

"He aint never had alcohol before! Why the hell did yah do that?!" Raph was furious. I could see the veins in the sides of his neck beginning to bulge. Funny, I never noticed they did that until now.

As he and Tippy yelled back and forth, I suddenly became exhausted and leaned my head into the crook of his arm and shut my eyes. I couldn't believe Raph was actually sticking up for me outside of combat. It was almost…romantic.

"Raph…" I whispered. When he looked at me, I suddenly had a tight ball in my stomach, causing me to lurch forward and heave all over the floor. The crowd reacted quite well and began laughing with Tippy. However, I could tell they weren't laughing AT me. They were laughing WITH me. I guess it's pretty entertaining for them when some down to earth guy walks in to a bar trying to be a real New Yorker.

"Shutup!" Raph swung at the air with his hand and tried to silence them.

"Raph…its fine." A woman brought me over some napkins that I wiped my mouth with. After that, I managed a small laugh until Tippy walked over and put a hand on my shell.

"You're alright, man." He grabbed my shoulder and rocked me roughly.

"Fuck you, Tippy." Once I realized what I said, I slapped my hand over my mouth and apologized instantly. I couldn't believe I had just said that. Maybe Sensei was right, maybe something really bad was happening to me.

Tippy's jaw dropped and then he started to laugh again. "Damn!" He clapped his hands together and stood up. "I think we owe Leonardo a nice warm welcome!"

The crowd started cheering and smacking their glass bottles together. I guessed it was a good thing to be welcomed into a place like this and to be honest; I kind of liked it even if having Raphael here was the only reason why. Raph…when I looked at him he looked like he had just seen a ghost.

"What?" I was still cradled in his arms like a child with my long legs dangling over his.

"I can't believe yah just said that."

"Well let's give _you_ some of that stuff and see what "yah" say, Raph." I got up off of him and leaned against the bar for support. My head felt dizzy and sadly I thought I was about to throw up again. Right before I did, I felt a three-fingered hand on the back of my neck.

"Don't vomit again. The first time was gross enough." He softly messaged the top of my spine which helped keep my stomach from releasing itself again. Once that feeling went away, a new one started to begin in the back of my legs and scurry up to my inner thighs.

"Feel better?" He asked sympathetically yet there was some strange tone in his voice.

"You could say that." I grasped a barstool for support. What was I doing? Why wasn't I stopping him?!

"Yah wanna call it a night?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Good, because they party's just gettin started." He slapped the back of my neck, hard, making the tingling feeling in my legs vanish almost instantly.

He walked away and joined a group of girls on the dance floor. They were immediately attracted to him and stood close as the music raged on. They raised their hands in the air and moved their butts around in tight, small circles next to Raphael. Even though he and I were nothing except brothers at the moment, I felt jealous. Not jealous that he attracted the women so quickly, but jealous because other people were too close to him, feeling the heat radiating off his skin and touching him in ways that set the mood for something more serious.

My heart started to beat to the tempo of the music as I watched them with covetous eyes. As much as I wanted to intervene, I couldn't. I couldn't risk giving away any signs of my attraction to Raph. So I just sat there on the barstool and watched him like a child who was debating on whether or not to steal a cookie from the jar. I watched him show off some of his Ninjitsu and impress everyone around him without even lifting a finger. He was naturally stunning, a side to him I had never seen him before. Did I like it? Well, would you believe me if I said yes?


	6. Chapter 6

The night didn't drag on like I thought it would have. I wasn't bored out of my mind like I thought for sure I would be. I couldn't remember the last time I just sat back, lifted my feet up and had fun like I was now. Not only that but I could feel my emotions starting to figure out if all this was real or not. I could tell that my lust for Raphael wasn't just a fantasy anymore; it was something I really wanted to start pursuing.

"What a night!" Someone said.

The early morning hours were starting to creep around the corner and the entire place was almost empty despite the few who passed out on the floor a few hours ago. Raphael came down the stairs that led to the outside and stepped over a few of the people.

"It's almost 4 o'clock, bro." He walked up to me and sat down on the barstool by my side. "I don't know about you but I'm exhausted!" The tone of his voice was way off. He was too happy and excited...and drunk.

"That's because you drank so much, Raph." The smell of alcohol was fresh on his breath. I wanted to pull away and hand him a mint but he was so close to me...my heart started to beat fast like it always did whenever he was around.

"What? I had water the whole time!"

"Sure you did." I rolled my eyes and caught his body with my hand when he started to fall over onto me. I couldn't help but smile deeply when Tippy noticed and started to laugh.

"Would you two like a room?" He asked with a chuckle. Gee, that didn't sound weird or anything.

"Umm…you have those?" I asked while taking a better hold of my stoned brother.

"Any good pub has rooms, my friend, _especially_ one like this where everyone either gets drunk out their ass or laid." Tippy slapped my shoulder and walked behind the bar. I could tell he was a bit on the tipsy side as well. Maybe that's where his name originated from…

I looked down at the top of my brother's head and maneuvered around so I could see his face. Just like I thought, he was out cold. There was no way I would be able to carry him all the way home by myself. Not only was I exhausted, but I think the idea of having Raph in my arms was enough to weaken me even more. On top of that, I couldn't imagine how hard Splinter would work us if he ever found out Raph had gotten drunk. I figured it would be worse for me since, being his leader, I had allowed it.

"Here you go." Tippy handed me a small silver key with a wooden panel attached to it. It read "Room 3." "Need some help carrying him over there? He looks like he was a billion pounds." He laughed.

"I think I can handle it, thank you. How does Raph pay you guys?" I asked him even though I had nothing to give him at the moment.

"The room's on me. Raph is quite a favorite around here so he doesn't get charged that much anyway." Tippy smiled and started to clean the bar top with his rag. "The rooms are over there." He pointed to the other side of the room where a separate hallway was leading.

"Good to know." I rolled my eyes and tucked my arms underneath Raph's. Once I pulled him off the barstool, I put him into a fireman's carry and headed towards the other side of the bar. I barely got a few feet when I felt my body begin to sway to the side. "Raph, you need to lose a few pounds." The hallway was dark and very horrific looking. It looked like something you would see in a horror film. I prayed we were almost there.

I counted the numbers on the doors, only 5. I found the third one and unlocked it as fast as I could. I carefully laid Raphael down on the bed and then shut the door behind me. It was small with nothing but a bed and small table over in the corner. It would have to do for now until Raph was well enough to head back to the lair on his own (and not get there drunk). The sudden thought of the lair made me remember something.

I took my shell cell out from my belt and dialed Donnie's number. It rang three times and then he picked up.

"Leo! Splinter is raging over here! Where are you guys?!" He sounded apprehensive which was an uncommon state for him to be in.

I hesitated for a moment and debated if I should tell him the truth or not. I trusted that brainiac more now than I ever did after we had that heart-to-heart conversation. "Raph's out cold." I tried to sound calm and collected.

"How did that happen?"

"Well he…he got drunk." I sighed.

"How did _that_ happen?!" He sounded like the world was about to end.

"He brought me to this bar and we've been here all night. I'm exhausted plus I can't carry him home like this anyway. If Splinter saw him like this…" I began.

"It's alright, bro. I'll try and cover for you but you better hurry back before Splinter starts snapping our necks." He said with as much sympathy as he could spare.

"Thanks, I owe you."

There was a moment of silence and for a minute, I thought he had hung up. I went to close my phone but then his voice rang out.

"Soo…" He didn't sound like he was trying to make conversation; He sounded like he wanted to know something.

"So, what?"

"How was it?" His tone of voice sounded like a teenage girls'. I rolled my eyes and smiled while trying my best not to sound the way he did.

"Goodbye, Donnie." I hung up and threw my shell cell on the bed. It's amazing how Don and I went from brothers to best friends in only a day. I wondered how he was coping with his new found sexuality. Was he going after Michelangelo? I doubted it. He and Mikey were on complete opposite ends of the intellectual scale and I didn't think Don would like someone of Mikey's _personality_ anyway.

I suddenly felt guilt-ridden. Don and I were on the same level about our sexuality and I completely shut him out. Would it be better if I went with him instead of dragging Raphael into it? I was so confused.

I lay back on the bed, feeling Raphael's warm breath against my shoulders.

This wasn't right. I was supposed to be the leader of this team. I was supposed to have all the answers, not all the questions! I would have to talk to Don as soon as I got back to make sure he was ok and to put my mind at ease. But even then, would I be able to sleep peacefully at night knowing that I am the way I am?

The kicker was that I wasn't even specifically into Raphael. I had a thing for _all_ my brothers but Raph was just the one who I'm strangely attracted to the most. However, I would rather be with him then the others. That side I saw of him yesterday, fun, exciting and dangerous, just made me want him that much more.

"Ugh!" I grabbed one of the pillows and brought it over my face. All this was making me sick to the head.

"Go to sleep will yah?" Raph mumbled and changed positions so that he was facing me. His eyes were still shut so I wondered if he knew I was there at all.

"Raph…" I kept my voice low and on the border line of seductive.

"What…"

"You're dead after this night."

He didn't answer me. He only moaned and sprawled himself out on the bed even more which, if it hadn't been tucked up against the wall, I would have fallen off by now.

I preferred Raphael when he was asleep no matter how I felt about him. Before, I was glad he finally shut up for the day, but now, I can have time to collect my thoughts and examine him without question.

It didn't take long for him to move again so that he was now flat on his plastron. He tucked his hands underneath his pillow so nothing but his bicep was sticking out. Look away, Leo, look away. I fought the urge to touch him and quickly shut my eyes. I almost instantly fell into a deep sleep and maybe Raph's presence helped contribute to that, too.

**Tanks for dah reviews! **


	7. Chapter 7

**I squealed like a fangirl while writing this chapter OMG I'm awful lol**

When I woke up, my head was dizzy and my eyes were still heavy with sleep. I turned my head facing Raph to see if he was awake and only found him in the same position I left him in. After making sure he was still asleep, I traced the outline of his muscles with my eyes like I've been wanting to ever since we got in this room. Sweat had started to accumulate on the surface of his skin even though it was freezing in here. I had never really took into account how much larger he was from me. I guess back then I really didn't want to admit it, but now…

"Why yah lookin at me?"

I shrieked when he spoke. I thought he was asleep!

"I'm not." Stupid answer, Leo.

"You're lyin' through yah teeth. I was lookin' right at yah." I thought I caught the small glimpse of a smile.

"Well…" I couldn't think of anything to say. "Why were _you_ looking at _me_?"

"It's ok if you were checkin' me out." He laughed and rolled onto his side facing me.

"Whatever." I gave up and turned away from him. I felt like my heart was about to beat out of my chest and splatter all over the walls.

"I'm only kiddin', Leo." His voice was sodden with sleep like someone was when they were sick with the flu. I couldn't help admitting to myself how much I liked it.

He surprised me by suddenly taking ahold of my arm like he usually did whenever one of us was mad at him. The only problem was that he usually brought it away by now. His hand was warm on my freezing skin, making goose bumps tingle every inch of my body.

"What time is it?" He asked.

"How should I know…" I said softly. I felt my eyes starting to shut again even though I felt perfectly awake. I felt his body move and I figured he was reaching for his shell cell but his hand stand on my arm the whole time.

"Damn, it's almost noon."

Typically I would freak out and start rushing home to Splinter, but I surprised myself when I didn't. I surprised myself when I didn't leave my brother.

"I guess we should head back, huh?" He lay back down and I swore he was closer to me this time.

"I called Don. He said Splinter was livid but he also said he would cover for us." My eyes were shut and I could feel myself falling back asleep with Raph behind me.

"Great, he's probably ganna say we went to the science convention or summthin." He yawned and moved closer to me until I could feel his breath on the back of my neck. I hated and loved him at the same time for how he was making my body feel.

"Yah." Was all I had the energy to say.

I felt him lift his head up. "You aint talkin very much."

"Mhmm." God, I just wanted him to shut up and lay back down.

"Am I makin it awkward?" His tone of voice was tempting and lustful, the last thing I expected him to sound like. It took me only a few seconds to figure out something I've been pondering about for the last day or so.

He definitely knew something was off with me.

He tucked his chin into the side of my neck and started to run his thumb up and down my bicep. I didn't want him to stop but I didn't want him to know I was enjoying it either. The feeling won me over though, and I let it go. He had to find out one way or another, didn't he?

"You're so drunk." I said.

He chuckled. "Pfft yah, you wish I was."

"Prove you're not then."

"I clearly remember someone hacking all over the floor last night." He stopped stroking my arm and grabbed me. His nails dug into the side of my skin until I turned over onto my shell. It was an uncomfortable position but with him looking me dead in the eye, it made it all worthwhile. "Do you believe me now, fearless leader?"

"No."

He grinned and ran his hand plunging down my arm to the tips of my fingers, leaving numbness the in its path. I was shaking like I was horrified but the chills he was giving me were only making me feel colder and colder. Once his hand moved down to my thigh, I stopped him abruptly.

"Enough." I pushed him off and sat up. I grasped the top of my head with my hands and breathed out heavily. "You have no idea what you're doing to me."

"That aint entirely true, _Leo_." He said my name with emphasis. His playful tone suddenly changed to hostile in thin air.

"I get it that you're just trying to have fun but all this…" I gestured to nothing. "It's different in my head then it is in yours." I felt all my emotions sitting on the back of my tongue waiting to be spilled out. He let out a burst of laughter and stood up off the bed.

"You know somethin, did yah really think I would just leave when you told me to?" He stood directly in front of me, a scowl starting to appear on his face. I could feel my own expression start to become foul as I watched him.

"What are you talking about?" I raised my voice.

"You know, _Leo_, maybe _you're_ the one who's drunk! How do yah not remember?!" He looked offended and ready to snap a tree in half. Raph was more bipolar then I thought.

When he said he wasn't drunk earlier, I believed him now. This mutant was alive and with me as we spoke, his charming personality shining through once again.

"When yah wanted to talk to Donnie and not me…I was standing by the door. That's why you saw me in the kitchen so quickly."

Once I finally realized what in the world he was talking about, I myself felt like I was ready to snap a tree in half. "I knew it." I shook my head in disgust. "You know, maybe you should learn to mind your own business!" I stood up and pushed him back against the wall. Now that Raph knew about Don and I's issues, my whole life practically stood in the balance. If I ticked him off just the slightest bit, he could run to Master Splinter and ruin my life forever.

"What did yah expect me to do?!" He pushed me back so hard I fell over onto the bed. "You were actin' so weird! I hated it every minute of it!"

"Well!..." I didn't know what to say to him because I knew what he was saying made sense. He had the right to know what was bothering me if he could sense it. I _never_ acted the way I did the last week and I didn't blame him for being concerned. "I'm sorry. Are you fulfilled now that you know? Do you feel better about yourself?!" I walked past him with a scowl.

"Yah, actually." I heard him calming down as I headed towards the exit. When I unlocked the top lock and pulled the door open, he came up behind me and slammed it shut.

"Let me go, Raph." I gave him the tone that meant I was starting to get pissed off. I needed to get out of here before either of us did something we would regret.

"We need to talk about this."

"We'll talk later when there's a witness." I used my elbow to push him away but he recoiled back. He put his hands on either side of me and refused to move, blocking me in. "No offense but you really aren't the one to talk about feelings to." I meant all the offense.

"How do you know?! Did yah ever think for a second that _maybe_ I might be going through the same thing that you are? EVER?!"

"No I didn't because you're not like that, Raph!"

"How do you know?! You aint as wise as you think yah are!" He had one of his fingers inches from my face. "If anything, _you're_ the one who everyone expected not to be gay!"

I hit him so hard I thought for sure I had knocked him out. However, he only staggered back a few steps before blood started to fall from his nose. I expected him to punch me back but he didn't and I had no idea why. Whenever one of us touched him, even me, he always swung back.

"Why the…"

"You seriously asked for that one! Don't look at me and say you didn't!"

"Ok, fine." With attitude, he held his hands up in defense and straightened himself back up. "My point is…"

"Yah, I got your point. Would you like to spit a word at me that means being gay _and_ committing incest at the same time?! I'm all ears, Raph!" I was so angry at him but deep down inside myself, I wanted to be back on that bed by his side.

"There aint a word for that. Trust me, if there was I would know it."

"Sure you would because you're good at that kind of thing aren't you?" I growled at him. "Yeah, you're good at judging other people and making them feel worthless!"

"I would know it because it would have been thrown at me." He looked ready to backhand me and I could tell he was desperately holding it back, too.

"What do you mean?"

"Figure it out, fearless. You and Donnie aint the only ones of your kind."

**Did it get too intense? Please let me know! THANKS**


	8. Chapter 8

**You know I...put this in my doc manager...and forgot to upload it...**

You know that weird feeling you get when someone tells you there getting married or are expecting a child? That's kind of how I felt minus the happiness. Raph had just revealed a huge secret to me and I had absolutely no idea how to react. Do I congratulate him or be upset at him? I had no idea what to do. This is the exact same way I felt when Donnie came out and told us about his lusting problems. Sadly, I thought I would never have to experience that again. Guess I thought wrong, again.

"Well say somethin'!" Raph curled his one hand into a fist and took a step towards me. Was he really threatening to beat me up if I didn't talk?

"What do you want me to say?!" I snapped. "_I guess that just leaves Mikey?!_ What do you want from me?!"

"I just want yah to understand."

I ran my hand across my sweating head and leaned back against the door. "So when did this start?" I tried a mild icebreaker.

"The same time Don did. That's when I started coming here to get away from it." He used his head to gesture to the bar. "I didn't tell yah because I thought you would beat the hell outta me, not that I was afraid or anything." He grinned.

"Well of course I would have. That's my job. It's my job to correct all the flaws in your life." I had to watch what I said because I remembered that when Don opened up to us, I hadn't done anything about it. I couldn't have threatened Raph if I hadn't stay true to my word in the past, which I didn't.

"Before correcting all yours?" He leaned against the wall to the side of me.

"I didn't say I was perfect."

"Well you sure act like it sometimes, Leo. Maybe now we can see eye to eye more often." He pointed at his red mask and then to my blue one.

"Just because we share a common…" I almost said _interest_ but didn't, knowing it didn't quite sound right. "…curiosity…doesn't mean you get a "get out of jail free card." I'm still you're leader and you still have to do as I say, like it or not."

"You may be the leader but I can still figure out ways to get off the hook, especially now." He smirked and I could tell he knew how his looks were affecting me. I had to awkwardly move my weight from one leg to the other to keep my body from reacting in obscure ways.

"There's not much you can do with Splinter around." I mentally slapped myself for saying that. I was playing right along with him. I was just as bad as he was! Or maybe just as desperate…

"Splinter goes to be so early, he won't ever know."

"You seem to have forgotten our two _other_ brothers." I scowled.

"What…you don't plan on telling them?" He stood up off the wall and shook his hands out.

"And what _exactly_ am I supposed to tell them?" Oh no, did he think we were suddenly in a relationship? I didn't know if I was ready for that yet. I really only had thoughts and never acted on them like Raph obviously was. He has to know that I'm not experienced enough for this.

"That you're…" He hesitated. "That we're g…" He stopped and took a frustrated breath. "Happy?"

"Don doesn't already know about you?"

"No way! He last people in this world I would tell something like that are you three assholes."

"Yet you just…."

"Because I found out you and I were alike. I can't believe I just said that…"

That hurt. If I hadn't turned the way I am now, I may never have known that Raph was fantasizing about incest. It made my heart churn just thinking about it. Raph said he started 2 years ago, started getting thoughts. I hadn't noticed then and probably never would have. What kind of leader can't pick up something like that? Maybe I need to rethink my strategy.

"You're doing that thing again."

I looked over at him and he was smiling softly.

"What thing?!"

"Whenever yah start thinkin' you doze off into another world and look at the floor."

"I do not!" That was slightly embarrassing yet extremely insulting.

"It's cute." He grinned. His compliment sat in my stomach and started to play around with it like dough. I didn't know if I should feel good or bad about it considering the fact that it came from my own brother. As much as I wanted to deny it…I didn't and accepted it. That would take some getting used to.

"You're just saying that because you want something."

"What could I possibly want from you?" He opened his arms out to the side to emphasize his question. However, the look on his face told me he already had the answer.

I smiled randomly, feeling warm inside, suddenly ready to play his game. "My body." I couldn't look him in the eyes when I said that.

He burst out laughing and slid down the wall onto the floor. "Damn, Leo, you're a riot."

"I was just kidding." I laughed and slid down on the wall next to him.

"It's so true though. You can't imagine what it's like lookin' at yah every day and not being able to do anything to you." His tone changed to a more serious one.

"Just me?" I nudged the side of his bicep with mine. I felt special but I figured a guy like Raphael would do something like that to get what he wanted.

"You made me the most pissed, so yeah. It's a good rush."

"Why not go with Donnie? He was like you." I came to the realization that not Raph or I had gone with the brother who was already twisted. Maybe we were attracted to each other from the beginning without even knowing it. They do say opposites attract and Raph and I are practically night and day.

"He wasn't exciting enough, no offense to the guy, love him to death. I just wanted someone who could keep me on my toes. Like you even though I hated your guts and still do." He chuckled. I stayed silent and let him talk, fearing we wouldn't be able to talk like this again. "I kind of imagined this day in my head but never really thought it would get here. Like I said, you were the last one anyone expected to turn out…like this."

"I partially blame Donnie for that. He influenced me a little bit 2 years ago."

"I noticed. Who made up your mind for good then?"

"I did."

"No, shithead, someone had to have scarred you enough to flip your bean around."

"Warner."

Raph stopped looking at me and leaned his head back against the wall. "Damn that chick was insane."

"I wonder what she would think of us now." I said as a thought.

"She'd probably help us manage it somehow. That way she could steal me for herself." Raph grinned at me while I shook my head and smiled.

"Speaking of management…how did you get through it back then?" Even though we were already touching, I scooted closer to him even though I felt like I hadn't done it myself. My body was taking over me and doing this that it thought was natural. Raph looked satisfied and lifted his arm up and draped it around me. The outline of his biceps was so prominent that I could count every muscle in his arm without even looking. I wondered if it was bad to feel this relaxed all of a sudden as he gently stroked my other arm with his fingertips while looking out into empty space.

"Damn…I would have to say this place, bro. That and…"

"Yeah I get it." I stopped him before he could "go there".

He laughed. "You're so frickin shy when it comes to stuff like this."

"That's because I'm not use to it!"

"I can help you." He pushed his face up against mine. All the touching was making my throat swell up and keep any words from escaping.

"No one can help me." I managed.

"You know…" He pulled his face away. "Yah think you're so different, that you must be some freak of nature."

"Isn't that how _you_ feel…"

He looked at me keenly. "That's usually one of the side effects of bein' a mutant turtle, Leo."

"You know what I mean." I wanted to push his arm off me for declaring me dumb.

"I really don't. I'm different enough already, why not add to the pile?" He blew air out his nose and shook his head. "I got like this because those humans aint worthy enough. We fight them every day for cryin out loud. The last thing I wanna do is intermingle." He said in disgust.

"I get what you're saying. I don't _hate_ the humans like you do I just feel like it could never work. They can't understand us like _we_ as brothers can." Hey, we were finally agreeing on something.

Raph slowly nodded his head like he was digesting what I was saying. He suddenly made a confused face. "I wonder what changed Donnie…"

"I already told you. My body." God I hated this mood I was in.

"Damn, Leo." He growled hungrily. "Don't pretend to be somethin' you aint." He squeezed my arm.

"Fine. We should head back now."

"Why?"

"Because if we go back now then Splinter will only cut off one of our arms instead of two." I took his hand off me and stood up.

"You certainly change moods quickly." He rolled his eyes and stood up.

"Hey, you wanted the leader and you got it." I jabbed my pointer finger into his plastron. The seductive face he made after it was a bit bone chilling so I turned around and headed out the door before any of us could say another word.


	9. Chapter 9

"You guys are dead." Mike met me at the door with that stupid look on his face that he gave whenever he knew something exciting was about to happen. However, there was some form of anxiety in his eyes that I had never seen before. I brushed it aside and figured that I always took the blame for something my brothers did and now Michelangelo decided he would get a kick out of it because for once in my life, I _actually_ did something wrong.

"Leonardo, Raphael!" Splinter dropped what he was doing and met us at the door. "I should send you both out of here immediately and to roam the streets!"

"Umm…" I looked over at Don who was biting his nails furiously. He ever so slightly shook his head and immediately I knew that his stalling for Raph and I hadn't worked.

"What in the world causes you two to be gone for almost a whole day?! No crime is that important to keep me up worrying about you!" Splinter took his walking stick and full forcibly pierced Raph and I so hard that we staggered backwards against the wall. Raph cradled his left eye and started swearing right in front of our Sensei who hit him again in the leg, making him fall limp on the ground.

"Stop!" I grabbed the stick before he could hit Raphael again. I couldn't bear to see him in such a venerable state. "Leave him alone! It was my idea to stay out!"

"You have been unacceptable these last few days, Leonardo! Your fighting is sloppy, you disobey and question me and now you have the audacity to break the house rules! On top of it, you make your own brother cover it up for you!" He gestured to Don who looked on the verge of tears. I was happy to see Mikey's snickering from when I first walked in had been swept away and turned into one of horror and disbelief. None of us ever expected our Sensei to harm us and denounce us like he was doing in this moment.

"I'm sorry, Sensei! I'm just trying to figure some things out and I needed to get out of the lair!" I stepped in front of Raph who started to growl deeply. I wasn't worried about Splinter hitting Raph anymore; I was worried about _Raph_ attacking _Splinter_.

"What must you figure out that you cannot come to me for?! I am not only your Sensei but your father! There is no excuse to go running off!" I've never heard him yell as loud as he was now. I felt embarrassed but empowered at the same time. For some reason, standing up to my Sensei was giving me some twisted buzz that I loathed and adored at the same time.

"Forgive me." I said it but didn't sound like I meant it. I was angry. I was angry he hit Raphael and who knows what he did to Donatello while I was gone. It made me furious.

"Hand over your Katana."

"What?!"

"You heard me, Leonardo. You will never learn your place if I do not properly discipline you." He held out one of his small, furry hands to me.

All at once, my breath escaped me and I was rendered speechless. I could feel all the eyes of my brother's watching me, seeing what I was going to do next. I felt Raph's warm breath on my leg in sharp, quick bursts. I hated to think that the only thing keeping him from harming Splinter was my shaking posture.

My duty was to obey my Sensei, no matter how much I disagreed with him and no matter how much I wanted to go against him. I reached behind my shell and unhooked my sheath. I slowly rolled it off my body and handed it to him.

"Get out of my sight."

His words stung me like a thousand needles. The man I admired so much in my life was treating me like I was just like everyone else in the world. I felt like everything I worked up for was suddenly gone and I was left alone. I suddenly became enraged but at the wrong people. I know I should've been mad at Don for setting me up with Raph in the first place but he was only trying to help me. I was made at Sensei for not understanding, for not looking into my eyes and seeing something was wrong with me.

"You are not to leave the lair." Splinter gripped my weapons and retreated into his meditation room on the other side of the building. Once his sliding doors shut, Don and Mike ran up to me and toppled us over onto the ground.

"Leo I…" Mike sniffled and wrapped his arms around my waist. His actions weren't flirtatious, being the baby brother of the family, he always acted like a scared child whenever something went wrong and usually sought Sensei or I for comfort.

Don's hands were around my neck and he was staring into space, no doubt digesting everything that had just happened. I wrapped my shaking arms around the both of them to try and comfort their nerves even though mine were rattling just as much.

"Did he hurt you guys?" I asked them softly.

"He hit Don but I don't think he meant to do it. He apologized after and said he was just frustrated with you and Raph." Mike rubbed his nose with his hand.

"It don't matter. He still did it." I completely forgot Raph was there. I looked down and saw he had taken his bandana off and was holding it clustered up against his eye.

"I'm kind of just hoping this is all just a nightmare." Don sighed.

"You and me both, Bro." Mike agreed. I felt like failure watching my brothers fall apart like they were. The lusting, sexual crazy half of me had completely vanished and now I was back on full out brother/leader mode. The fuzz that was once clouding my mind and thinking was gone and I finally felt like I was becoming a leader again.

"Come on. Let's go to my room and calm down." I tapped their shells. I wanted to get them out of the same room that Splinter had infested with his outrage.

"Do you still have that TV in your room?" Mike asked while looking up into my eyes.

"Yes."

"Can we bring a movie to watch?" Michelangelo's once milky white scleral and ocean blue irises were now edging pink and light gray from crying. It was hard to believe that the same brothers I fought alongside with and watched destroy hundreds of our enemies, were breaking down and falling apart like wet paper.

"Sure, Mike. You can pick one."

"I think _Annie_ would be a good choice." Don snorted.

"Yah or _10,000 ways to kill your children_." Raph got up off the ground into a sitting position.

"Come on." I helped Don and Raph up off the ground and over to the staircase. While they went up, I kept a close eye on Mike while he was over by the TV grabbing a movie since Sensei's doors were right next to it.

"Man, I can't pick!"

"Just grab a bunch, Mikey." I wanted him to hurry. He scrambled as many into his arms as he could and stood up off the ground, dropping a few. Just when he bent down to pick them up, the doors moved and out walked Sensei.

"What are you doing?" He asked my little brother. I stayed over by the stairs but readied myself to jump over there if I had to. I watched Sensei's every move, the rise and fall of his chest as he breathed, the position of his hands and awkward way he tapped his walking stick on the ground when he was standing still. I crossed my arms over my chest and exhaled deeply.

"Oh uh…" Mikey dropped more movies when he saw Splinter was next to him. "We're all ganna watch some movies in Leo's room."

"I need to speak with you, my son."

"Umm…" Mike looked over to me with widened eyes, having no idea what to do. Splinter, seeing this, turned his attention to me.

"You look to him for approval? After everything he has done?" He asked.

"He is our leader, you know, even if he does screw up sometimes." Mike kept his voice down, very unlike him to do.

"He is your leader and I am your Sensei. I begin to wonder if he is influencing you in some way." Splinter's voice started to sound anger driven and that's when I walked into the living room. I grabbed the movies on the floor with one hand and Mikey's arm with the other and pulled him out. I wasn't going to stop walking even if Splinter told me to.


	10. Chapter 10

**Nice long chapter for yah :D **

Raphael was leaning up alongside the wall that my bed was pushed up against. Michelangelo was lying on his plastron with his feet in the air like an adolescent, enjoy his flick.

Raph had kept hogging the covers from Mikey saying that he wanted to go to sleep (which I can't see being possible considering him and I just woke up a few hours ago) but he said he was tired anyway. As a result, he had fallen asleep just a few moments ago after losing the battle with the blankets. Apparently _Tombstone_ was making him fall asleep.

While the two of them stayed on the bed and chilled, Don and I went off over into the corner of my room where I did most of my meditation. There was a small room divider that kept us separated from them and a small mat on the ground made of bamboo and straw. Normally this place was the escape from my brothers, but now I share it with my brothers to escape my Sensei.

"So what happened?" Once he got comfortable on the ground, Don asked the very question I knew he would. He never really was the outspoken one of the brothers but he sure was the most nosey, besides Mikey. I guess that's a scientist thing or something I don't know.

"What happened where?" I tried to belabor his question.

"Don't play dumb with me. You know what I'm talking about." He looked serious and in a very complicated mood that I couldn't quite explain with words.

"Nothing happened, Don." I really didn't feel like talking about this right now, not with all the Splinter stuff going on. What happened at the bar was the last thing on my mind.

Don, growing frustrated, scooted himself closer to me until our arms touched. I remembered myself doing the exact same thing to Raphael, and then remembered what the result of it was. Only this time, I didn't get that strange feeling in my body when Don's arms were close to mine like I had with Raphie…I mean Raph. I didn't move away in fear that he would be insulted, so I stiffened my muscles a bit to maybe hint to him that I was uncomfortable. He didn't move though, he just glared those huge, dark brown eyes up into mine and tried to get me to talk.

I sighed, defeated.

"Well…" I began. He scooted closer and nodded his head to tell me he was listening.

"We were supposed to go on circuit but he took me down to this bar instead." A sudden flush of excitement went over my stomach as I remembered everything from that night; the feeling, the touching, the embarrassment. "It was a place for rejects or something of that sort. No one was bothered by our presence because they were different from the "normal" humans in some way, just like us. It was…amazing…to feel like I was actually accepted." I smiled and started to pick at the bamboo in the mat.

"Yeah?" He urged me to continue.

"We met the bartender, Tippy. He and Raph tried to get me to drink alcohol but I refused all of it. I was just afraid that I would get carried away and do something stupid." I sighed yet again. "So anyway, I asked for water and instead Tippy gave me really strong vodka, or at least that's what Raph said." I scratched my throat where I could still feel the discomfort from the liquid sliding down it. I looked at Don to make sure he was still following. He was.

"Then I just watched Raph do what Raph apparently does best. He was dancing with everyone and I couldn't believe how popular he was among them. They all practically worshipped him." I made my tone a bit stricter to let Donnie know that I didn't like that part as much. "I hate to say I felt jealous, but I did. Whenever someone touched him I wanted to pull out my Katana and slice their hands off."

"That's so sweet." Don smiled up at me and cocked his head back and forth. I trusted his instincts of it being sweet since he knew better than I did.

"Yeah, and then the place was closing up and I had to get a room because…well I told you why. We slept for a little bit but when Raph woke up…it was a completely different him." That was both a good and bad situation. I could tell Don didn't understand which one it was by the way he lifted a brow line, making one eye bigger than the other.

"What did he do?"

"He was…on me. He would grab and touch my body and just…" I reached out and grabbed Donnie's arms and showed him a sample of what Raph had done. "More than that but you get the idea."

"So…it was him not you who was pursuing the other? Was he drunk or something?"

"I asked myself the same question but no, he was completely sober. He sounded as normal as he ever did." I shook my head and sighed. "Did you know he was…?"

"No. I had no idea. Did you ask him about it?"

"Yah, he said he turned right around the time you did. Whether it was before or after you, I don't know. He said that bar was his escape, which explains why he's loved there by everyone and why he was able to hide it from us all these years."

I looked at Don who was focused on the unlit candle across the room. He looked almost disappointed to hear what I was saying to him.

"What about Mikey?" I asked to maybe change the subject.

"I was never into him, Leo. He's too…"

"Yeah I know." I laughed softly. "You don't have to explain."

"Yah…" He went silent. Rule number one about knowing Donatello, if he randomly goes quiet, there's a 100% chance that something is on his mind. I let it go for a few minutes to see if he would say it on his own, but he didn't.

"Is something wrong?" I asked while giving him a nudge to make sure he hadn't fallen asleep.

"Yah…I just feel lonely."

Normally I would have said; "well I'm right here next to you," but I knew what he meant. He was seeking a companion. I hadn't really come up with a game plan regarding what to do if Donnie turned to me for love (which I was still debating on him and Raph by the way). I didn't expect him to have any interest in Mikey so I should've known this would happen. The question was; was he into me…or Raphael now that he knows he's…

"It's weird. I like you but I _don't_ like you."

I guess it was me then.

"That is weird." I agreed but with a bit of attitude on the side. He looked up at me and frowned scornfully.

"Part of me wants something more but the other part wants you to be my big brother _and_ my best friend _and_ my leader."

I didn't want to admit it but I felt the same way. I couldn't see myself being with Donatello now that we had established this close bond with each other. Plus, Raphael drove some part of me wild that Donatello couldn't seem to touch.

"I think it's best if we stay close. I need you as support and you need me as support and we can't do that if we're all over each other." I sounded strong for him.

I had other ideas that I didn't tell him. If we started being a couple then I was afraid he might start seeing me as being on the same level with him. I was his leader and had authority over Donnie in a way I knew he understood, but could possibly forget. I wouldn't want to lose that by being in a relationship. On the other hand, it's oddly ok with me wanting to be with Raphael because he already thinks he's better than me anyway.

"I think you're right…PHEW!" Don smiled brightly and moved away from me. "I feel so much better now that that's cleared up." He came back over and hugged me tightly. His Bo-staff breezed across my face as he leaned in so I awkwardly had to move my head closer to him to avoid it.

"Sorry." He laughed and pulled away. "Things got a mind of its own." He pushed it back into place.

"I know the feeling. My weapons decided to jump into Splinter's hands today." I smiled and let Don enjoy the fact that I had lost my beloved Katana.

"I could make you a new set if you want?" He offered.

"No, I'm too attached to the old ones. Thanks anyway, Don. Hopefully I can get them back soon."

He blew air out his nose, making a snorting sound. "With the way Splinter let out on you guys, I don't think you will be seeing your swords anytime soon. Maybe in your dreams but that's about it." He giggled.

"Thanks for raining on my parade."

"Oh Leo, I'm sorry." He stopped laughing and frowned. "Hey, I offered."

"Offered what?"

Don and I snapped our heads towards the divider where Raphael was standing, looking suspicious.

"What's goin on back here, eh?"

"That's none of your business, Raph." It sounded meaner then I meant it to be. He drew his head back and rolled his eyes.

"We're talking about you and Leo."

Never had I wanted to strangle one of my brothers as much as I did in that moment. I looked at Don and widened my eyes to tell him to shut up. He looked at me, acknowledged my looks, and continued talking about last night until I had to jump over to him and shut his mouth myself. He was usually good at keeping secrets so what was his problem today?

"You talkin about last night?" He grinned and chuckled deeply, making my grip on Donnie oddly loosen. "It's nothin to be embarrassed about, Leo." He looked insulted. "I don't care if Don knows but if yah EVER tell Mikey…"

"Michelangelo…" I lowered my voice that told them to lower theirs too. "…will not find out about _any_ of this. That goes to the both of you." I pointed at them, my hand still over Donatello's mouth. "We need his innocence intact. It's all we have."

"What? You don't have yours, Leo?" Raph smirked.

"hot affer hast hight." Don mumbled through my hand.

"_Nothing_ happened last night." I forced his shell flat against the ground and put my body overtop of his. He tucked his head close to his shoulders and provided me bright, innocent eyes. I didn't need him playing matchmaker.

"Don't lie to the guy."

"Raph!" I shot a look at him now and pressed my teeth together tightly to keep from yelling at him.

I felt like I was being boxed in by the truth and yet being set free by a lie. The truth was that something climatic _did_ happen last night but it wasn't climatic enough to be bragging about. Then again, had I not walked out of that bar room when I did, something bad might have happened.

Don managed to pull my hand away from his mouth and speak. "Maybe he needs a refresher." He lifted his brow line and grinned in the way that only he could, his dimples sticking out like fire in the snow.

"What is with you, Donatello? This isn't like you." I turned on a more serious note.

"Just having fun, Leo. All this Splinter stuff is making me loopy I guess." He frowned.

"It's makin all of us loopy, Don." Raph looked back into the room. "Mike fell asleep. Now we can watch somethin more on _my_ level." He disappeared behind the divider.

"Just relax ok?" I rubbed the top of his olive skinned head. "I know it's hard with Splinter right now but I'll help us get through it. I promise. Just try and take your mind off everything for now, even though it's hard for you." I stood up and offered him a hand. He took it and slowly rose next to me.

"You're a good leader whether you know it or not." He smiled gently and walked out into the bedroom.

I wished I could have agreed with him, I really wish I could have. Leaders don't allow their brothers to fall in love with each other. Leaders don't fall in love with their brothers and disobey their Sensei, monsters do.

**Thanks for all the reviews! I'm starting to fall behind with my stories because I have a lot going on. I'm getting a job, getting ready for Prom and yadda yadda. I'm going to take maybe 3 days to get as many chapters written as I can and then I'll start uploading again. Trying to do 2 stories at one time was NOT a good idea on my part. NEVER DO IT. **


	11. Chapter 11

**It gets intense. You have been warned so I don't wanna hear about it…**

**Thank you, much appreciated (I still love you all though) xD**

We all somehow managed to fit on my small bed last night. It wasn't the most comfortable arrangement, with our arms and legs thrown over each other, but I think we fell asleep better staying close. It strangely wasn't my idea, it kind of just…happened.

"Oh man." Mike was the first one up and I could hear his complaints even though my eyes were still shut and my head was still fogged with sleep. "I swear if Raph swung his big ass arms at me one more time I was ganna…"

"You were ganna what?" Raphael's voice made my eyes flick open. He moved from his side to his back and moved his hands behind his head. The veins in his biceps were more prominent now than they were the night before. "Tell mean things to me? Go tell Master Splinter?""

"Maybe." Mike stuck his tongue out and flopped back down on the bed. "You think Sensei is still mad at us? I mean you guys?"

"He has every reason to be." I mumbled.

"Oh, Leo's awake."

"No, he don't have every reason to be, Leo. We came home and that's all that should've mattered to him." Raph growled. His personality is always nice and perceptible just seconds after he wakes up. "Nice to see you're sidin' with _him_."

"I'm not siding with anybody. All I said was he had every reason to be angry. I didn't say I cared." I rolled onto my plastron and hugged my pillow.

They both stayed quiet so nothing could be heard in the room except Donatello's loathsome snoring.

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the sewers." Mike chuckled. He was much too awake this early in the morning. I looked over at the clock on my crumbling nightstand. It wasn't even 6 in the morning.

"I thought maybe sleeping on it would help. But it didn't." My words were muffled through the pillow. "It doesn't change what he did."

"Well you know…" Mike began. "You guys _were_ out pretty late."

"Oh so _you're_ ganna side with him now?" Raph sat up on the bed. "All this stuff with Leo happened way before that did." He defended me.

"Yah, and maybe that's why he flipped out, dude." Mike rolled on his plastron and suspended his feet in the air.

"There's no point in arguing about it. What happened happened." I silenced them. I didn't want them to turn on each other. I wanted to go back to sleep and escape the reality I now hated.

"The conch has spoken." Mike whispered.

"Shut up." I felt Raph plop back down next to me. A few moments later, I felt his warm hand creep under my pillow and wrap itself between my fingers.

**::**

When I woke up this time, it was 9:43 in the morning and Don and I were the only ones left on the bed. Either Raph got sick of Mikey and hauled him off or they went to stall Splinter so we could keep sleeping. I couldn't sleep any longer though, I had to get up.

My whole body was sticky and sweaty. Four bodies in one bed didn't do well with keeping cool. When I threw the blankets off me, the sheets below were drenched. Great, not only did I need a bath, but my whole bed did too. I slowly sat up, careful not to stir Donnie, and moved myself off. I had to sit back down though because my head felt like it was about to spin out of control.

"Easy big guy…" It was Raph, his voice low and intimidating. I couldn't see his face through the darkness of my room but I did feel his hand reach out and curl around my neck. All at once he was right there in front of me, my head at level with the center of his plastron. I was still exhausted, so when he moved his hand to the back of my head, I didn't try to pull away.

"Don…"

"He's asleep." I felt the side of his thighs clout up against mine while the base of his knee made the bed sink a little deeper. I had been using my hands to keep myself up but Raph now pulled them out from underneath me and was keeping me against him with his own strength.

I kept trying to make excuses for why I was enjoying everything that was happening between us in this moment. I told myself that maybe I was still too tired to do anything or too hurt from last night to stop him. I tried but nothing worked, I was fully awake and accountable for my actions. Maybe the fact that I felt so alone without Splinter contributed, but I believed I still would have allowed it had last night not happened.

I was suffocating in the crook of his arms that were wrapped around my neck while keeping my face flat against him for air. I could feel more compassion in his movements then I could desire. Maybe he came to the realization about how hard all this was on me.

"I had an idea." He whispered with his mouth against the side of my head. I brought my arms up and around the back of his biceps to keep my body from getting too excited and falling over. I prayed for the sake of my sanity that Michelangelo didn't walk in. I already knew Splinter didn't have the nerve to.

I was too aroused to ask him what his idea was. Whenever I tried to speak my throat would swell up and a strange noise would come out of it.

"We have to get out of here, the three of us."

I bluntly smacked the back of his arm with my hand. He chuckled genuinely and suddenly remembered we had Michelangelo to bring along too. I had no problem with little Mikey despite the fact that he had the attention span of a goldfish. He always obeyed when Splinter and I told him to do something and even though he always complained about it, he did it. I honestly think Raph hated him because he had nothing better to do and couldn't find anyone else who was afraid of him. Don was fearful of Raph at times, but I knew Raph respected him too much to threaten him.

"We can't just get up and leave." My quick movements had brought my head out of the daydream it was in. My body was still reacting to Raphael but I felt more in control of myself, the way I liked it.

"Not forever…well…maybe forever."

I smacked him again.

"I'm just kiddin. But honestly, maybe we all can get along better with Splinter if we take a break from him for a while."

"No. You don't care about getting along with Splinter." I moved my head out of his arms and looked up in the amber eyes that I couldn't see. It felt odd being lower on the ground then him. "You only care about escaping what's really going on here. We shouldn't be running away, we should be fixing it."

"Oh for cryin' out loud Leo. First yah say you hate him then yah say you don't care now yah wanna fix it?! Would yah make up your damn mind?!" He pounded his fingers off the top of his head after letting go of me. I caught myself with my own hands before I could fall shell first onto the bed.

"I _do_ want to fix it, but over time. I'm hoping Splinter can understand why I did what I did last night then maybe he and I can come to an understanding."

"But it wasn't just last night!" His voice was starting to get louder so I checked to see if Don was still asleep. "It's been goin on for a while now! I know the reason why you've been actin the way you've been but Sensei doesn't and unless you're ganna tell him why then I aint stayin here another minute."

I was surprised he still stayed on my lap even as we were fighting. He was usually the one to end the fight either by walking away or throwing a punch.

"Are you insane?! Why would I tell him about any of this?!" I gestured to the both of us.

"Because you're a teacher's pet, Leo." He swiped my hands out from underneath me but this time he let me fall. Don stirred once my body hit the bed but he appeared to stay asleep.

I thought Raph was going to walk away, he didn't, of course. He crawled on top of my fallen body, both his thighs now stuck up against mine and the base of his plastron coming within inches of me. Even though I was furious that he even had the idea of leaving our own father, he just had this way with manipulating me and completely shutting off the part of my brain that did the reasonable thinking.

His hands were on either side of my head, dipping my body a bit lower into the mattress. My heart was pounding and I didn't know if it was from him or my own anxiety of being out of control. To possibly make it stop, I threw my arms up against his shoulders to keep him from dropping any closer. However, it didn't work a single bit. My heart still felt like it was going to explode inside my chest. I still wasn't use to all this attention yet and I was pretty sure I wasn't ready for all the sick idea's he probably had in his head.

I regretted teaching him all the things I did about pressure points when he used one behind the base of my neck that made my arms go limp. They fell next to my head and that allowed him to slowly drop his body on top of me. It was uncomfortable at first. Our plastrons weren't soft like human skin and couldn't' mold into the shape of the partners body. I felt Raph having to use excess strength to keep himself right where he wanted to be.

"You made it come to this." He sounded perfectly normal, like himself. It drove me insane to think this was only affecting me and not him. He probably knew that and was using it to get at me.

"Made what come to what?"

"You aint listenin to me clearly."

"Well it's hard to when your fat body is squeezing the life out of me." I shifted uncomfortably. He grinned and I felt the tip of his tail start to explore certain _places_.

"You like it."

"Not really." It's one thing to say something and another to make it sound convincing. Even though I said I _didn't_ like it, my voice made me sound like he was winning, which he was.

"Can't yah just think about it? I really don't wanna go anywhere without you."

"Where would we go, Raph, the moon? This is one thing you have to do when you're coming up with outrageous ideas. Think it through _first_." Even with my blood pumping and goose bumps rising all over my body, I still managed to get a lecture in here and there.

"Well…I was thinkin April's?"

"APRIL'S?!" I yelled so loud that Raph nearly jumped through the roof and Donatello instantly awakened with a scream. He jolted upright and I immediately found the hidden strength to throw Raph off of me before Don saw us. When he landed on the floor, he tried to catch his balance before he smashed into the wall. He failed, and sent one of my shelves crashing to the ground and all the books that were on top of it.

"April?! What about her?!" Poor Don had been scared right out of his shell. I felt so bad. He had trouble catching his breath until I wrapped my arms around him, trying to calm him down. I looked at Raph who looked ready to murder me but then I started to laugh and he did too. It had been so quiet…

"Gosh, Leo!" Don pulled away from me and ran his fingers through his invisible hair. "Give me a heart attack why don't yah. I may never have the hiccups again!"

"Sorry, Donnie." I was still laughing, partly because I just scared the crap out of my two most un-scarable brothers _and_ that I was petrified about our future that obviously needed to be dealt with.

"Goodmornin, Don." Raph chuckled. "Yah want a new pair of underwear?"

"If I wore underwear then I would need a whole new box." He grabbed my bed sheet and brought it up over his head. He lay back down but kept a ready eye on me. "I'm watching you."

"I see that." I smiled and patted his arm. You have no idea how bad I felt.

"Oh sure, you'll touch him but yah won't touch me. How is that fair?"

"I like him better." I teased.

"Yah well, I suddenly like Mikey better." He threw one of my books at me but I caught it with my free hand. "You know what…I take that back." He second guessed his remark.

"Figured you would." Don said.

"What the hell is going on in here? Woodstock?!" Mikey walked in with his mouth gaped open. "Splinter asked me to come and investigate. Should I tell him a hurricane hit?!" He gestured to the mess on the floor.

"It's ok, Mikey. Raphael was just trying out his new legs." I lied with a smile. Good thing it was dark because whenever I lied, my eyes always twitched.

"No!" Don sat up and protested. "This one decided to have a mouth spasm and scarred Raph right into the wall!" I could tell he was still shaken up by the way his arm shuddered as he pointed to Raph. "Me on the other hand, I might need a damn pace keeper!"

"Don, I said I was sorry."

"No, you're not." He pointed at me but there was a hint of play in his voice. "Here I am minding my own business dreaming about inventing a toaster that can toast bread AND butter it at the same time when BAM!" He threw his arms out to the side. "World War III."

"Sounds like you had some wakeup call eh, Donnie boy?" Mike walked over and rubbed the top of his head. "Me on the other hand…" He mimicked Don's tone. "…was awakened by Raphael's flailing arms!" He moved his arms up and down like a worm. "We're the victims here, Donnie!"

I laughed at the two of them and shook my head. I checked to see if Raph was ok (he had taken quite a nasty fall) and saw that he was grinning at me. I mouthed "what" and he gestured to Don and Mike. I looked at them, talking about how they were going to protest against abusive leaders, but I didn't understand so I looked back.

"You can't keep that innocence forever." He said quietly below the noise.

I sighed and leaned back on my shell. Going to April and Casey's didn't seem like such a bad idea anymore.

**Hey guys,**

**My life is starting to get really hectic :( I tried to take some time to write but it didn't go so well. I have a job now and I'm doing this modeling program too but I'm going to try to write as often as I can (I need to for the sake of my sanity). I love to write and I don't want to let my job get in the way of it. Chapters might come a little slower but I promise, they will be here!**

**Thanks for understanding (If you can)**

**Love, Embers **


	12. Chapter 12

The light from the midday sky shot at my eyes and forced me to close the manhole cover. Sneaking out during the day was absolutely NOT my idea.

"Can we hurry it up up there? Your butt doesn't get any prettier the longer I look at it, Leo." Mikey complained.

I slowly lifted the cover again and forced my eyes to adjust. Once they did, I moved it over to the side and jumped out quickly.

"The coats should be somewhere around here…" Once Don climbed out, he started to look behind all the junk in the ally for another one of his duffel bags that he used to keep our disguises in. They were only trench coats, gloves, and hats but it was enough to get us from here to April and Casey's without drawing too much attention to ourselves.

When we tried to sneak out of the lair an hour ago, we all were caught. Splinter had found us by the door and just stood there and watched us with an awkward glance. After a few minutes, he actually _let us_ leave even after Mike uttered to him where we were going. You could say we technically weren't sneaking out right now, which made me feel a little better. Sneaking out never sat right in the pit of my stomach, no matter how much Sensei ticked me off.

"Ah, I love the smell of asphalt and pollution in the morning." Mikey smiled and reached his arms out as far as they would go with his head to the sky.

"Would you guys stop fooling around and come help me look?" Don was growing frustrated so we all jumped in to help before he got too angry. An angry Donatello was never a good thing, _especially_ in public. You could look at him and think he could never harm a fly but deep down inside, he's like a miniature Raphael. As in he gets angry a lot…not anything else…

"Here they are." Raph pulled out the duffel bag from behind the dumpster and threw it to Don. "You're welcome."

Once Don had it, he dropped it on the ground and started to dish out a set of disguises to each of us. We geared up in our uniforms and waited for Mikey to make his hat fit his oversized head.

"When was the last time we got appropriate sized costumes, Huh?!" He whined until finally, I walked up to him and yanked the hat horizontally so it stretched out a few centimeters. I slammed it onto the top of his head pushed him out onto the sidewalk.

"I'm sorry, Leo! I can't help it I have a huge…"

"Don't even think about saying it, Mikey…" Raph warned him with a punch on the back.

"Hehe"

We were able to stroll along the sidewalk fairly normally. It wasn't too crowded in this part of town but once we got further up, people started to take second glances before moving along.

"I almost forgot what this felt like." Raph spat on the ground.

"You mean being a freak?" Don added.

"Something like that. What's with the humans and having to look at everything before they can move on with their frickin lives?" Raph growled.

"Not now, Raph." I gave him a warning just as he brushed his arm up against mine. He gave me a dirty look, and widened the distance between us.

"I'm allowed to have my opinion."

"But your opinion is going to get us caught. If you lash out at someone…"

"I aint ganna lash out at someone, Splinter." He cut me off. I think it took him a minute to realize what he said but it gave Don and Mikey enough time to walk a little bit ahead of us after reading my facial expression. "Look, I didn't mean…"

"You know, Raph…" I stopped him along the street right in front of one of the city's most popular fountains. He rolled his eyes and put his hands on his hips. He knew all too well what was coming.

"You're really good at being one person one minute and another the next. First you're all sweet and gentle and then you're right back to your old self again." I poked my finger against his plastron.

Children who were walking along the edge of the fountain stopped to look at us with great curiosity. When I looked at them, they looked away or ran back to their parents. I could see why Raph was so upset, but I wanted to see the side of him I'm falling in love with, not the side that I have to treat like a baby. In a way, I did love his reckless side, but not like this.

Raph didn't say anything; he just looked at me until his eyes moved behind me. I turned around to see what he was looking at and immediately turned back to face him.

"Don't you even…"

"Yo!" He shoved past me and made his way to the edge of the fountain. I quickly ran up to his side and tried to pull him away but he threw me off.

I looked back to the dirty, sick looking man who was walking _inside_ the base of the square shaped fountain, picking up the change in the water. His actions were causing people to stare and yell for him to get out and stop crushing dreams. Raph was one of them except his words were a bit more…well, you know.

"Raph, let it go!" I made a mental note to kick his ass for this.

"Have a heart, Leo!" He pushed me away again.

"We can let the police handle it."

"The police aint here."

The homeless man made his way out after a guy walked in and threatened to beat him. No, the guy wasn't Raph.

"See, anger is the best way to handle things." He looked at me and grinned.

"That guy is a bad influence." I turned back around to find Don and Mikey, glad this little issue was over, and ended up slamming face first into the homeless man who had been in the fountain. The change he was carrying in his ripped up shirt went all over the both of us as we fell to the ground. I felt Raph try to grab my arms as I went, but it didn't break the startling fall. The sound of my shell hitting the pavement was louder than you would think. I was hoping the clutter of the coins falling would mask it, but it didn't, of course. A few people rushed over to me, thinking I had broken a bone.

"Back off, he's fine!" Raph used his body to shield me from the people who were trying to help. By this time, Don and Mikey had come back over to us.

"Oooh…bad way to land, Bro." Mikey knelt down next to me and winced. "I would hate to be in your shell, dude."

"I'm ganna hate to be in yours in a minute!" Raph pushed Mikey away and picked me up despite the shrieks of pain that were escaping my lips. I tried my best not to draw attention but I failed miserably. He held his hand over my mouth and pulled me into an embrace. "Leo, yah need to be quiet." He whispered. His head dashed this way and that, constantly checking the surroundings.

"Hey, that guy needs help!" Someone shouted.

I saw Mikey look down to the homeless man scrambling to pick up his riches.

"Never mind him, what about my brother?" He exclaimed, making Don slap the top of his forehead with his hand.

"Oh sir, do you need some help?" Someone new spoke up. The voice was familiar, so familiar that all at once, my brothers and I looked at each other with fear imbedded in our expressions.

"Sir?" It was Warner.

"Uh…" I kept looking at Don who was looking at Mikey who was looking at Raph who was looking at me. I was the leader and I had no idea what to do. I didn't know where she was, I just knew it was unmistakably her voice and the others knew it too. Don looked like he had just seen a ghost and started to back up slowly.

"I'm fine, really. I just need to…" I lifted my hat up slightly and ran my hand under it.

"Do some butt stretches." Mike said and then raised his shoulders in confusion.

"Umm yah…some butt stretches. Right now actually, I'll go do them right now." I answered while starting to walk away with the others.

"Wait a minute, I know you!" I could hear the happiness in her voice. "Your April's friends!"

The crowd that was initially around us had left but that didn't mean Warner's loud obnoxious voice didn't draw any attention.

"April who?" Mike turned around and faced her while the rest of us tried to come up with some sort of plan to get rid of her.

"April O'Neil! Remember? I came to your…house or whatever it was." She laughed.

Raph turned around and whispered something to Mikey. There was no doubt in my mind Warner would follow us so I decided to lead her to the next ally so I could _politely_ shut her up. She obviously didn't know that our existence was supposed to be a secret.

"OH YAH! You know what; we're actually going to her house right now!"

"REALLY?! ME TOO!" She laughed and followed us as we walked away. "You know it's so weird I feel like I haven't seen you guys in _forever_!"

"That's so lame, right? It's like we're avoiding you or something." Mike made it sound like the most ridiculous thing in the world.

"I know! We should hang out more often and maybe you guys can give me some blood…"

_Finally_ we made it to the ally just in time and I grabbed Warner by her shoulders and dragged her in. She wasn't even fazed by us when we surrounded her.

"Listen, Warner, I need you to just shut the hell up." I had unintentionally backed her up against a wall but she still appeared to be in the same joyful mood. I normally wouldn't be this rude to women or anyone for that matter but our last encounter with Warner was making me edgy and my sore backend was helping either.

"I thought you were the nice one, Leo?" She laughed. "I get it; you want your existence to be "top secret"." She laughed again.

"No, Warner, you don't get it. The last time I saw you I wanted to throw you off the top of the Chrysler building."

Finally, her smile dropped. I may have only said that to wipe the happiness off her face…but it worked. She just stared at me with her jaw half open.

"Well that's a bit extreme. Why would you do that?"

"Because…you were just…" I sighed deeply out of frustration and backed away from her. "It doesn't matter now. I just need you to leave and not tell anyone you saw us, ok?"

"But we're all going to April's. I can just follow you guys." She smiled again. I almost reached for my katana before stopping myself. I turned to Raph to maybe get his opinion on the matter but I met nothing but a satisfied grin. I'm sure he enjoyed watching me torture Warner.

"Fine." I gave up and threw my hands in the air. "Let's go guys." I'm going to need a lot of pain medication after this day.


	13. Chapter 13

**Thanks for sticking with me even though things have been getting hairy over on my end of the world. But like I promised, I will not give up!**

April was at work when we got to her house but Casey Jones met us at the door when we knocked. I wasn't surprised when Warner just walked right in and made herself at home. Within one minute of arriving, she had already made herself a sandwich, poured a full glass of milk, and met us back at the front door where my brothers and I were still waiting to be invited in. Casey looked at us slowly and rolled his eyes.

"Please, COME IN." He looked at Warner.

"So when will April be back?" She asked while finishing off the last of her sandwich and sitting down on the love seat. Her presence in this small apartment was making me extremely edgy.

"She won't be home for a _very_ long time so maybe yah just wanna come back later?" Casey opened the door again and gestured out.

"It's ok, I'll wait here." She smiled.

"Great…hey I suddenly have to go to the store…" When Casey tried to slip out, Raph grabbed his arm and threw him on the couch.

"We all suffer together." He grinned and shut the door.

"Suffer? What are we suffering from?" Warner asked.

"You! Oh my God you're so annoying!" Michelangelo grabbed the top of his head. It appears I wasn't the only one feeling the tension. None of us have ever seen Mikey bash anyone like he just did. If he was under this much stress, it wasn't good for the rest of us. I needed to get rid of Warner. I didn't want another episode of what happened a few weeks ago.

"Why don't you go get some air, Mike?" I patted my hyperventilating brother and escorted him over to the window that led to the fire escape. "Why doesn't Don go with you, too?"

"But…" Don began to protest but then thought twice about it. "Ok." He walked over to me and wrapped one arm around our little brother. "If you need me…" He whispered and then went out the window and up to the roof.

Don had a good reason to be cautious. I wasn't going to put up with Warner's crap, especially now that so much has happened between then and now. I would be able to control her if she went too far but I wasn't sure if Raph would be able to. That's why Don made his assistance available to me; I alone couldn't calm him if he lost control. I thought that _maybe_ I could, but in ways I wouldn't exactly want Casey or Warner to see.

"I'm sorry." Warner frowned. "A lot of scientists get selfish a few years into their careers, you know? I should've saved some sandwich for you guys."

Raph blew air out his nostrils and shook his head. On a scale of 1 to 10 considering where he was on the "about to blow" scale, he was probably an 8 right now.

"Look, Warner…" I stepped between Raph and the couch where Warner was lounging. I faced Raph and spoke quietly. "Didn't we come here in the first place to escape the drama? Let me handle it." I placed my hand softly on his plastron and gently pushed him back. He could've resisted and stayed where he was, but he didn't. I'm better at this seductive thing then I thought.

"Yes?" Warner asked.

I zoned out and completely forgot she was there. I was too busy watching Raphael's subtle grin as he backed away and joined Casey at the door. By this time, Warner was up out of her seat and waving her hand in front of my face. I lightly shook by head and focused my eyes on her.

"What?"

"You were saying something…"

"Oh, right." I remembered the thing I was going to tell her that I strangely forgot. "Look, my brothers and I aren't here to have a good time and that's what you're treating it like." I told her with narrowed eyes. I could tell she was listening but I knew she wasn't actually _listening_ to what I was saying. If this girl wasn't April's friend, I would probably allow Raph to do what he wanted to her. That or I might just handle it myself. I was already stirred up as it was and I knew no one here wanted to see the side of me that came out whenever I was angry.

"Oh I'm not either. I'm treating this as strict business. April and I are having a movie night."

"Please, don't remind me." Casey shook his head.

"Let's just come back tomorrow." Raph suggested. I knew he hated the idea of being stuck here with Warner all night just as much as I did.

"NO!" Casey yelled and grabbed Raph's arm. I tried my best to resist the urge to run over there and pull it off. "I mean…no, we were supposed to do that thing tonight, remember?"

"What thing?!"

Casey jabbed his elbow into Raph's side, the one area we had no shell protection. He held back whatever sound of pain he had to make and resorted to a low grumble.

"Oh yeah…" He elbowed Casey in the side harder than he had to him. Casey fell to the floor in a fetal position and moaned quietly. "_That_ thing."

"Well, no matter. I'll be out of your hair soon." Warner smiled and sat back down on the love seat. "Until then, maybe we could talk?"

"See, that's exactly what I don't want, Warner." I stayed standing with my arms over my chest. I stood at an angle so I could see her and Raph at the same time. I caught myself looking at Raph while I talked and quickly looked back to Warner.

"You four have a gift, why wouldn't you want to share it with someone who's actually interested in it?"

"Everyone's interested in it, lady." Raph was at my side. "It's a matter of where that interest leads them."

"I'm not saying I think you guys are…freaks or anything. I'm a scientist; your mutation interests me to the fullest! Besides, they're only simple questions. What's the big deal?"

"Ok, that's it." Casey walked up to Warner and grabbed her arm. "Come back in an hour, April should be home then." He literally threw Warner out and closed and locked the door behind her. She kept knocking on the door for a few minutes but she finally gave up and the knocking subsided.

"I'm glad yah did that, Casey. I was this close to pouncin' on her." Raph held up two of his fingers and pinched them together.

"I seriously don't know where April found such an asshole of a friend."

"She's not an asshole. I just don't think she understands what she's doing to us when she asks questions like that. She isn't one of us; she couldn't possibly understand the impact it has." I was surprised I found myself defending her.

"Defending the wrong again, Leo?" Raph faced me and bulked up his chest.

"Again?" I lowered my voice. "I told you I wasn't defending Splinter."

"Maybe you two should fight outside. April and I just finished redecorating and like…" Casey interrupted. It was probably for the best, too, considering I was either about to punch or kiss Raphael.

"We aint ganna fight." He got up close to my face and brushed his alongside mine before walking away. I hated people who knew how to get to me.

"Really? Cuz I probably would've joined in. I've been itching to get out of this apartment and stretch my legs but April's got me all tied up around here doin chores. Damn, women are insane!"

"Tell me about it." Raph grinned.

"I must admit, I've considered the opposite sex." Casey laughed by himself and then cleared his throat from the awkward silence. "You two are pretty quiet."

I felt the sudden flush of heat and embarrassment swarm all over me. I was pretty sure my cheeks were as red as Raph's bandana and I had to resist the urge to look at him due to the irony of Casey's statement.

"Was that awkward to say? I was only kidding."

"We got it, Casey." I could hear the smile in Raph's voice.

"I think I need some air." I took off out the window and up the fire escape.

I'm such an idiot! I would never flee a fight if things got bad but I flee a conflict when it gets embarrassing? I probably just made it ten times more obvious with what was going on between Raph and me. I wonder if I looked smarter then I really was.

I quietly climbed the fire escape but stopped at the top when I heard commotion. Mike and Don were talking so I ducked down close to the metal and stayed hidden. Great, now I was ease-dropping on my brothers. Maybe Splinter was right about me…

"I wish I could just go back in time and fix everything." Mike said with a sigh.

"We all do, Mikey. You know if it was possible for me to make a time machine, I would." Don's voice was strangely muffled.

I wanted so badly to look up and see what they were doing. Were they hugging? Holding each other? Don said he didn't like Mikey like that…did he lie?

"It's all Leo's fault." Mike said. I felt my heart sink into the bottom of my stomach. I never thought hearing that come from my own brother would hurt so much; probably because deep down inside, I agreed with him.

"Whatever got into him is what did it for us. He let his own problems tear us apart."

"You can't say that, Mikey. You don't even know what problems he has. Just because he's the leader doesn't mean he can't have feelings, too." Don defended me like I knew he probably would. His voice sounded stronger then what I was used to. Whenever he was around me it was quiet and sweet. Now it just sounded hard and brutal.

"Leo's sacrificed so much for us four to be safe and protected. He's doing it just as much now as he did back then. You saw how he protected Raph against Sensei. He cares about us, Mikey, maybe even more then he does Sensei."

I couldn't confirm Donatello's remark. I couldn't deny it either.

"You act like you know what's going on with him. Well, do you?"

Don hesitated. "No, I don't." I heard the lie in him that Mikey probably couldn't hear.

"Then you can't say I'm wrong. We probably wouldn't even be here if it weren't for him."

I couldn't listen anymore. I didn't care if stuff was said about me, I cared that it was coming from my baby brother. I wasn't sad or angry at him; I was guilty because he was right. In a way I had abandoned my brothers to deal with my own selfish desires. I didn't know it affected them this much until now, though. I brought them here to protect them from Sensei and to help them ease back into life. Wasn't that good enough for Mike? What was I doing wrong? Keeping secrets?

I ran back down the fire escape and back in through the window to escape the cold reality of my responsibilities. I went to escape the only way I knew how to. I grabbed Raphael's arm even though he was talking to Casey and pulled him into the bathroom.


	14. Chapter 14

Raph and I used to hate each other with every single ounce of despite we could round up. We used to fight both physically and mentally every single day. We probably clashed heads more than our worst enemies did. Right now, I regretted the days my sword would unintentionally strike and draw blood from him. I regretted all the fights we had that damaged our relationship and scared our brothers. I didn't know how one night at a bar had caused us to get so close to each other, but it did. At least that's how _I_ felt.

I liked to consider my brothers more than relatives whenever I thought I could. Sometimes I would view them as friends whenever we supported each other during a situation. Even encouraging Donatello to rebuild the countless number of gadgets we had destroyed in battle had probably given him that same feeling. I wanted us to feel like we could be there for each other whenever we needed it, not just looking at each other as people we were stuck with.

I did see my brothers as friends, even after Michelangelo let out his true feelings about me in the recent weeks. Don I saw as more of a person I would be very close with, had we not been related. He stuck up for me on the roof, and I respected him for it.

Raphael though…I couldn't quite understand how I felt about him. I knew I loved him as a brother and as a companion…but I didn't know much else. Even as I stood there constricted by his arms I didn't know where I stood. I didn't know if I could run to him when I had an emotional problem like I could with Donatello. Our countless years of fighting had damaged a friendship but created a relationship beyond the level of brotherhood. The problem is I didn't know anything about that relationship. Was it friendship? Brotherhood? Something else?

I didn't tell him why I had dragged him into the bathroom. I was hoping he knew that something was wrong by the look on my face but he just pushed me against the wall and held me there with his arms wrapped tightly around me. I'm sure we were both dying to get ahold of each other from the minute we left the lair, and maybe that's why he thought he was here, but it wasn't.

I wish I could've grabbed him back but my arms were pinned down to my sides so I only had enough room to grab his waist. I slid my hand up and down the split between his shell and plastron, the same spot where Casey had jabbed him, and I could feel it had already sprung a nasty lump. If Casey's weak punch had done this to Raph, I wonder what Raph's punch had done to Casey.

I wanted so badly to tell him why I had taken him in here but when he started to pull me to the ground, I realized that the need for his affection was the reason I came here in the first place. It was doing its job, too. For the most part, I was only focused on Raphael, even if he had no idea what was wrong with me.

When my bottom shell hit the ground, I winced. The pain from my fall today was still very real and made me jump back to reality again.

"I thought your ass was stronger than that, Leo." Raph teased and switched me places so his back was against the wall and my aching backend was cradled between his legs.

I didn't say anything to him; my head was getting cloudy like it always did whenever he and I were this close. I leaned on his shoulder, riding myself of the pain. I dug myself closer to him but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't get close enough. The physical pain was gone but my soul was still torn in pieces.

After a while, my unusual silence had obviously concerned Raph to the extent of raising suspicion. He pulled my shivering body away from him and looked me in the eye. I hadn't been crying, but I felt like my eyes were sodden and swollen from the act.

"Are yah alright?"

"Do I look alright?" I snapped unintentionally. I guess I was just angered that he couldn't figure out what was wrong with me. It wasn't his fault though, I couldn't expect too much from a guy who never really cared about anyone but himself most of his life.

"Well I don't know. Yah went on the roof all pissed and yah came back all pissed. What am I supposed to think?"

"Am I a bad leader?"

"What?" He recoiled back into the wall. That question surprised me as much as it did him.

"Answer me honestly. Answer me like you would have before…we cared about each other." I slid off of him to try and steady my nerves. I leaned my shell against the toilet and looked at him as he hesitated with his answer.

"Yah want an honest answer? I think you're different, that's for sure. Even now, I can see you just aint all there. Like half of you is in lala land or somthin'" Raph sighed deeply. "I was hopin' that maybe coming clean with you would help…but it hasn't really done anything except make it worse."

"Are you saying the only reason we're together now is so you could have your old leader back?"

"No, I'm still with you aint I?"

I couldn't argue with that. Usually when people went above and beyond to make a change and realized it wasn't helping, they quit. Raph hadn't, proving that maybe his dedication was actually real.

"Who put that into your head, anyway?"

"Well you did say…"

"I said you were _different_, I didn't say you were a bad leader. If I did, that was probably years ago when I hated your guts." He grinned.

I wanted to answer his question but I wasn't going to rat Mikey out, especially to Raphael. Even though he didn't hate _my_ guts, he hated Mikey's.

"OK."

"That's it? Just "OK"?"

"What do you want me to say?"

"That yah aint ganna do anything stupid." He said with a threatening tone.

"Like what?"

"Like…reveal this." He gestured to the both of us. "Use it as an excuse for something, I don't know."

"I'm not ready for anyone else to know. Besides, this isn't an excuse for anything that's been going on with me."

"Yah, with you, but the reason were here might be because of it."

"Yah, I've thought about that." I thought about it because it was true. If I had never revealed my sexuality with Donnie, then Donnie never would have set me up with Raph, then Raph and I never would have gone to that bar and came home late and Splinter never would have flipped on us like he did. Frankly, since I _had_ been acting strangely for a few weeks, it may have fueled the fire that finally made our beloved Sensei go through the roof. Either way, all of this is technically my fault, and I take full blame. It's easy to see why Raphael would think I would use our relationship as an excuse for my obscure behavior.

"Don't worry. I won't do anything without checking with you first, regarding this. Not anything else because I'm your leader and I don't have to check with you about everything." I stumbled on my words as I spoke. Raph smiled and shook his head.

"God, you're a dork, Leonardo, so caught up in being on top."

"You still need to know your place, Raph, I don't care who you are."

"I'm hoping that can be changed because after all, yah don't know who you're dealing with here." He stood up and helped me and my sore ass up off the ground.

His statement didn't scare me as much as it did worry me. It probably meant Raph was holding back some side of him that I either really or really didn't want to see. I always knew there was more to him then met the eye, but I wasn't ready or willing to find out what it was.

"Don't tell me, you're actually one of the most wanted criminals in the world." I laughed.

"Let's just say I could put _you_ in _your_ place probably anytime I wanted, now that I've got you."

I stopped laughing and just stared into his eyes. I didn't understand what he meant but I also completely understood what he meant. I just didn't want to admit it, so I let it go. I simply had a feeling that Raph was more experienced in the lover field then I probably wanted to experience. I would be like a lost dog to him, and he would be the one in control. And that of course, was not a position I was willing to give up so easily. Then again, with the way things were going now, maybe it was best if I let it up to someone else for a change.

"Hey uh…guys?" Casey's voice came through the door. "You've been in there for like an hour. Warner's back and April aint home yet and I'm about to end my life right here right now."

Raph and I laughed together as he pulled me close to his body. He was warm to the touch, like always, and made my freezing body reach a more stable temperature.

"Why don't yah just let me handle Warner?"

"Because I don't believe in killing people."

"I aint ganna kill her! She might walk away with a few bruises but that's it!" He laughed but I only smiled. The talk of Warner made my stomach begin to float.

"April can handle it once she gets home, ok? Now _I'm_ asking _you_ not to do anything stupid." I warned him.

"Turtle's honor." He held up his three fingers.

"That's not enough." I crossed my arms over my chest. Only after I said it did I realize the true meaning of it. Raph dropped his gaze and put his hand behind my head with his fingers tight around the knot of my bandana. He waited a few seconds before pulling us together with our foreheads touching. Right when our lips were about to meet for the first time, the sounds of Michelangelo's shrieks had forced me to pull away. I ran out of the bathroom, not knowing if I had just destroyed the only thing I would ever get from Raph for a very long time.


	15. Chapter 15

"She's crazy!"

The scene before me unfurled more quickly than I could comprehend. How Michelangelo managed to get on top of the living room cabinet and squeeze in between the space from the top of it to the ceiling, I didn't know. It made sense though; I would be running for my life too if Warner was holding a needle in her hand.

"Leo, help!" Mike saw me and started to plead for his life. I couldn't believe I was actually standing there and debating on whether or not I should help him. After all, I was still mad with him for what happened earlier.

"Warner! Put that down!" Casey apprehended her after realizing I wasn't going to do anything. I looked over at Mikey who was just glaring at me with a disappointed expression. I returned his glare, but with more of a feeling that I knew something he didn't. It was that look that I always gave whenever I was about to go "pissed leader" at them and I could tell Mikey knew what was coming. He wouldn't be crawled up in that space to hide from Warner; he would be crawled up in that space to hide from me.

I would deal with Warner first just to prove that the old me was still alive somewhere inside the monster that Michelangelo thinks I am. I pulled Casey away by the shirt and approached Warner. I held my hand out and she immediately put the syringe inside it. I closed my hand.

"It's not what you think." She swallowed hard. "I don't want your blood. I promise."

Before I opened my mouth to say anything, Donnie was at my side, holding my arm to keep me back. I suddenly felt like the enemy. I felt like Raphael, since he was always the one my brothers and I would hold back.

"Leo, Mikey fell off the roof and Warner was just going to give him some pain medication." He said while opening my closed fist. The syringe had shattered into a million pieces and clear liquid (mixed with blood) had overflowed in my palm and onto the floor.

"How did Mikey fall off the roof?" I asked while my hand and arm started to go numb from the medication.

"Um…"

"I went up on the roof to see them and I scared Mikey. He fell off the edge and into a dumpster in an alley. Hurt his leg pretty bad." Warner said in a soft tone.

I looked up at Mikey and motioned for him to come down. He struggled to crawl out but managed to drop down to the ground. He winced when he hit, knocking over the side table nearby and spilling its contents on the floor, and then moved all his weight to his left leg and off the right.

"I was just going to give him something to numb the pain until I could get a splint to help the sprain. It turns out he hates needles." Warner sighed with a smile.

"I hate needles." Mike shivered. "But now you have something to help with your butt, Leo."

I sighed and let Don scrape the little glass pieces off my hand and into a paper towel. The damage wasn't that bad and I refused to let him bandage it up.

"A little too _over_ protective there, Leo." Raph said.

"Well, that's what leaders are for." I purposely looked at Mikey when I said that. He cocked his head a little bit too the side and then frowned.

"Come here." I pointed to the ground below my feet. He hopped over to me and painfully sat down on the ground. I crouched down next to him and started to feel around the bones and muscles in his leg. His kneecap was already swollen but I didn't feel any evidence of a break. "Who taught you to land, Mikey?"

"You did." He laughed.

I managed a smile. You could cut this kids arms and legs off and he would still be Mr. Sunshine. "It's just a displacement." I said while messaging the area around his kneecap. It was painful, but it was the only way to pop the bone back into place. After a minute or two, there was a loud _pop_ and then more signature Michelangelo screams. He brought his leg up to his chest and started to cry on the floor.

"What a pansy." Casey shook his head.

"Let's pull _your_ bones apart and pop them back into place!" Mike cried.

"Give it a rest, Mikey." I told him. He wanted the leader, well now he was going to get it. "Get up and clean up your mess."

"But it hurts." He gave puppy eyes.

"Get up or I'll really make it hurt." I threatened him and he got up almost instantly. He still hopped on one foot but managed to get everything cleaned up that he knocked over.

"Happy, your highness?" He bowed but then lost balance and fell over onto the ground. He started crying helplessly again and going on about being a cripple for the rest of his life.

"Sometimes I wonder who I'm related to." Don shook his head and walked into the kitchen. Right when he crossed the threshold, there was a knocking at the door and then April walked in.

"APRIL!" Don ran over to her and wrapped her up in an embrace, knocking her grocery bags onto the floor. They disappeared in the hallway but then came back with Don apologizing for body slamming her. Right when she got back in, Casey did the same exact thing.

"Alright, alright!" She laughed. "Now you two can pick up my things." She took her coat off and put it on the couch. "Fancy seeing you four here. Everything ok?"

"Oh everything's just dandy." Mike was picking at the little threads in her carpet. "It's always nice when you're banished from your own home."

"What?!"

"We weren't banished, Mikey." Raph corrected him.

"Long story, we'll talk later." I said.

"Why later? Why not now?" April asked but then saw Warner standing next to me. "Hey, Warner! What are you doing here?" She sounded surprised to see her, like she hadn't been expecting her.

"Aren't you guys having girl's night or something?" Casey asked.

"Umm…" April raised one brow. This caused all of us to slowly turn our heads and stare at Warner who was cowering in a corner.

"Ok so _maybe_ I might have lied just a _little_." She laughed. "But it's ok because now we're all here so who cares?"

"We're not all ganna be here in a minute once I throw my crippled body through that window!" Mike started to crawl away.

"No it's fine that she's here I just…didn't expect you all to be in the same place at once." She laughed awkwardly and collected her groceries from Don and Casey. "I'm ganna go put the groceries away now." She started to walk for the kitchen and as she passed me, she flicked her head just a tiny bit. I followed.

"What's going on?" She asked me while starting to put away the groceries. I helped her as I talked.

"We were on our way here when we bumped into Warner."

"I'm not worried about Warner right now. I'm wondering about what Mikey said about you guys being banished." She slipped a bag of red apples into the fridge.

"We weren't banished. We left."

"Why?" She stopped what she was doing and looked at me expectantly.

"A lot has been going on lately." I rubbed the back of my neck, not sure how to explain the situation. "Everyone's in a mood and Splinter…" I hesitated. "He means well, but I just don't think he could handle all us any longer."

"Does he know where you are?"

"We didn't say anything to him when we left but I'm sure he probably knows we're here with you."

"It's not like you to run away from your problems, Leo."

I turned my head down to the side and dropped my gaze. She put her hand up to her mouth and apologized.

"I didn't mean it like…"

"It's ok. You're right. I just wish I could tell you everything. Maybe then it would make sense."

She nodded her head. "I'm not going to force you to tell me but I trust you're reasoning. If you say you absolutely _had_ to leave, then that's enough for me. You know you guys are welcome here all the time." She hugged me and then returned to putting away the groceries. "So you ran into Warner, huh?"

I handed her a box of macaroni and nodded my head. "I couldn't believe she recognized us. We had our coats on and everything."

April laughed and put away the last of the food. "She's not as weird as you think."

"She wants our blood, April."

"Who doesn't? You guys are Gods to her. Just let her have her fun, she'll leave you alone eventually."

"So are you saying I should just let my brothers give up themselves up to her?"

"No, I'm saying don't worry. Casey and I are here for you if she tries anything, which she won't, plus I don't want a recap of what happened last time you five crossed paths."

"I don't either."

"Then relax. You looked really stressed out. Why don't you take a nap or at least get off your feet?"

"It's hard now these days." I smiled. "Not that it was ever easy."

She chuckled. "Come on, I'll put you in our bedroom."

"No, I don't want to…"

"You don't have a choice." She grabbed my arm and pulled me through the kitchen. She opened her bedroom door and cool, fresh air ran across the surface of my dry, chalky skin. "When should I wake you up?"

"I'm not going to sleep."

"An hour? Ok sounds good." She pushed me inside and blew me a kiss goodnight. "Oh and that window is locked from the outside so don't even think about leaving." She winked and shut the door.

It was dark and cool in here, just like the lair. The air conditioning was making loud, obnoxious noises that for some reason were soothing to the ear. My head imagined it as being the subway trains that ran through the overpass in the sewers. This was horrible to think about mainly because it was making me tired.

After about 10 minutes of standing around and trying not to fall asleep, I crawled onto the bed, stomach first, and grabbed a pillow that I hugged it in my arms to keep my head up. I stared at the closet door on the other side of the room and imagined it being a door to my Sensei's meditation room. Even though I felt differently about him now, I still missed him more than anything, except maybe the comfort of a certain red clad turtle.


	16. Chapter 16

**I apologize for my awkward absence, but here I am! I'm not busy anymore so HOPEFULLY I will be back on my normal schedule. :D Thanks for sticking with me if you did 3 It means a lot.**

The worst part about falling asleep for me was waking up. However, it's not because the luxury of rest is over, but because I rarely slept at all. So whenever I did get any sleep, I would wake up feeling like I had just experienced a hangover. I would try to get up but I would get dizzy and fall right back down. I would fell vulnerable because I couldn't think straight and my head would feel like it was going to implode. When I finally would regain control over myself 15 minutes later, my room would be destroyed.

That is exactly what's happening right now. When my eyes flicked open, I almost rolled off the bed and vomited. I did roll of the bed, but whatever little contents were in my stomach, stayed. I crashed to the ground and already things had fallen around me. I saw a few picture frames and even Casey's hockey mask. I reached up on the bed and grabbed another pillow to prop my head up with, and went back to sleep.

When I woke up again, Raphael and Casey were next to me.

"You alright, bro?" Casey asked. "You've been in and out of consciousness all morning. We're starting to wonder if you'll ever wake up."

"Morning?" I mumbled. "How…long…"

"20 hours minimum." Raphael said. "I've never seen yah sleep so much."

His voice soothed my aching head, which was when I realized my backend didn't hurt anymore.

"It's stress." I slowly sat up as Raph offered his arm as support. I felt like it's been an eternity since I've seen him and now his presence was upsetting my stomach again, in a good way I suppose. Now I just wished Casey wasn't here.

"How's everyone?" I asked while rubbing my forehead. My bandana was gone but I was too lazy to make an effort to find it.

"They're good. Don and Mikey are actually getting along with Warner." Casey said.

"She's still here?" My head was starting to hurt again.

"That's what I say every hour." Raph chuckled.

"I know but she aint _that_ bad. Come on Raph, admit it." Casey nudged him.

"She's alright I guess."

"How do you guys go from hating her guts to enjoying her company?" My voice was deep with sleep and my dry mouth was making it painful to talk.

"There's not much to do when you're asleep so I figured why not entertain myself with her." Raph grinned.

I cleared my throat and frowned at him. I couldn't believe he was already trying to make me jealous. Did my 20 hour absence cause him to lose interest already? Or, was he trying to get under my skin like he always did?

"So what happened?" The question came out before I could stop it. My companion side was getting the better of me.

"Nothin." He shrugged his shoulders but kept the same look on his face.

"Ouch, man." Casey laughed. I looked to him. "Don't be too hard on the guy. He just woke up."

"What?" This was too much to digest only minutes after I've woken up. Why was Casey acting weird?

"Jealousy is a common thing to experience, bro. Especially in a relationship." He laughed and slapped Raphael's shell.

My eyes darted from Raph to Casey maybe a million times. I think my head knew what was going on but refused to move the information to the part of my brain that made everything make sense.

"Come on it was kind of obvious."

"What's obvious?!" What usually took me 15 to wake up only took a few seconds. I felt fully aware of everything around me again and I lunged for Casey Jones. I held his shirt in my fists until I could hear the course fabric ripping in my hands.

"Get off him!" Raphael forcefully grabbed my shoulders and threw me down onto the ground.

I didn't understand. Why would Raph tell Casey out of all people? I just lay on the side of my shell with one elbow propped up and stared at the ground. My strength was still absent so I found myself breathing heavily after that.

"Realx, man!" Casey laughed. "I aint ganna tell anyone about you two. Now, I may be a goof, a nutcase, an idiot and all those things, but I sure as hell aint a loud mouth."

"I don't trust you."

"And I don't blame you. But don't you think if Raph trusts me, you can too?"

"No." I growled.

"Come on man." Casey left Raphael's protective side and crawled over to me. "I like to know what's goin on with my best friends. You guys are like brothers to me."

"It'll pass."

"See, believe you can trust me and you will." He smiled.

"Not that. This." I pointed to Raph and myself. "Whatever it is, it'll pass." With that, I got up, and walked out.

I was so angry and too exhausted to show it. Raph knew I was embarrassed about things between us but he went ahead and told Casey anyway. I don't care if they're best friends, I care that my image is now ruined in Casey's eyes. I can't trust that lunatic. Even though he said he wouldn't tell anyone, I know he will. Incest is a huge thing now, but mutant turtle incest? I don't blame him if he wanted to announce it to the press.

When I got into the living room, everyone was asleep on the couches. I looked at the clock on the wall by the door. It read 7:03am. Warner and Mikey were on the floor while Don and April had fallen asleep together on the larger couch. It didn't take long for Don to open his eyes though and he looked more than pleased to see me. I held one finger over my mouth and frowned. As if he could read my mind, he carefully moved April off his plastron so he could get up. After covering her with a blanket he approached me.

"Good morning. I see you're rocking the "no bandana" look."

I managed a subtle smile. "Everyone ok?"

"Yeah uh…I think we're all good here." He took a quick peek at everyone. "Are _you_ ok?"

I sighed. "I just found out Raph…" I stopped and rubbed my forehead again.

"He told Casey, I know. He told me he did."

"Did he tell you _why_?"

"Casey and Raph are best friends, Leo. I would be surprised if Raph _didn't_ say anything."

"You can't trust Casey with that kind of information."

"Well…_you_ told _me_." He tightened his lips.

God I hated it when he was right.

"Yeah but…" I tried to contradict his statement but I suppose that would be lying. I didn't check with Raph first when I told Don about us, so what Raph did was starting to maybe make sense. "But it's CASEY!"

"SHH!" Don wrapped his hand around my mouth and pulled me into the kitchen. He was stronger than I thought. "You don't want the whole world to know, do you?"

"Casey practically is the whole world!" I find myself losing my cool much more often these days.

"Gosh, you're so shy." He giggled. "It's adorable."

I stared at him blankly.

"What?" He cocked his head to the side. "I'm being honest. Raph probably feels the same way." He gave me that light bulb over the head look. "Oohh, so you're playing the shy card to get him into you? Aah." He grinned and nodded at me as if the whole universe finally made sense. "Sneaky."

"Donnie, I'm not…" I sighed and wrapped my arms under his and to the back of his head. I pulled him up against me and rested my chin on the top of his head. I know I've said it a million times, but I really didn't know where my mental state would be right now without Donatello.

"You're crushing my spinal cord." He was bending awkwardly in order for my head to be over top of his. His arms were also flailing, trying to find something to grab onto, but I held on tight. "OK, I love you, too. Please let me live." He moved his head around and stood up straight so his arms could wrap around the back of my neck.

I can't really…describe the relationship we have. It's definitely not what Raph and I have. I could never imagine myself doing with Don what I've done with him, but I feel closer with him somehow. To Raphael, Don is like my Casey Jones.

"How's Mikey?" I asked once I saw he was falling sleep on my shoulder.

"I'd sooner marry a swine."

"I thought you liked him or something?" I sounded surprised.

"I don't know. When I'm not around him I think maybe I do, but then when I see him I want to run away crying. He's just so…childish."

"He's still in his prime years. He's probably on the line between juvenile and teenager." I said.

"Sure, let's go with that. But I want to talk about you."

"My stress isn't your stress." I exhaled heavily. Don's warm breath tickled the side of my neck and I couldn't help think of Raphael as my legs got weak. I brought the both of us against the kitchen wall and slid down. I was surprised how small Don was as he crawled between my legs and laid his head up against me. I still kept my arms tight around him, all my emotions is what kept me latched on.

"I can tell you're upset by the way you're suffocating me."

I laughed and loosened my death grip on him. "Don't ever change, Donnie."

"Which part?" He chuckled.

"The loving and caring part of you" It was usually hard for me to get sentimental, but I felt like Don deserved to know.

"Awe" He sniffled. "Only if you do the same"

"Yah…" I lied, and it hurt. There was no part of this leadership mess I wanted to keep.


	17. Chapter 17

I didn't know how long Don and I were on the floor. We just kept talking like our worlds had never gone to hell. Most of the time we didn't even talk about our relationship…issues, we just chatted about Donatello's new ideas and money winning inventions that he hoped would finally win him some recognition among the most intelligent scientists in the world. Heaven knows he deserves it. However, I could tell being away from his lab was making him a nervous wreck. There was nothing for him to do in April's house and for once in his life; I actually believe he's_ bored_.

I figured it was a few hours by the time Raph and Casey walked into the kitchen. Thankfully for Don and I, we had grown uncomfortable in our position about a half an hour ago and had moved to be side by side. Still, Raph's face was less than pleased when he saw us so close together. That or he was disgusted to even see me, period. The feelings were certainly mutual.

"What's all this then?" Casey laughed.

"We're talking." I quickly answered.

Raph leaned close to Casey and whispered something to him. After an insulted look swept his face, he nodded his head and went into the living room, leaving Raph, Don and I, alone. He kind of just stood there uncomfortably for a moment until Don finally invited him to sit down with us. He did, and sighed deeply.

"Look, I'm not one for apologies but…I'm sorry." He said to me. "Don't tell anyone I said that." He raised his fist to Don who backed up against the wall in fear. After another sigh he said: "I guess I couldn't expect yah to understand why I told Casey."

"Expect me to understand?!"

Don jolted from my sudden shout and slowly moved away from the both of us.

"I'm not mad that you told someone, I'm mad that you told Casey Jones!" I tried my best to keep my voice down despite the anger pool that was swirling inside me. After all, there were three people in the other room who didn't need to know about _this_.

"If yah knew him like I did then yah wouldn't be such a bitch about it." Raph growled.

I was too busy focusing on how to scold Raph that I missed what Don had said in the background. Something about a first fight?

"Well excuse me for wanting to keep something private for once."

"Why the hell are you so uptight?" I heard a hint of laughter in his voice.

"Come on, Raphael! You tend to think this is a joke! It took every bone in my body for me to…" I stopped short and dropped my head into my hands. The only thing I could possibly think about right now was Casey going up to Splinter and telling him everything. If that happened, my life as I knew it was over, Raphael's too. I just didn't know why _he_ didn't understand that.

"For you to…what?" He asked, more sympathetically.

"Never mind, my point is that one person can't be making all the decisions here. I wish you would've asked me first."

Raph laughed out loud and I was surprised to see Don laughing as well.

"Leo, please." Raph wiped away a fake tear. "Yah can't talk about one person not making all the decisions until you've cleared that up with yourself first." He pointed at me with a crossed look mixed with a grin.

"That's not what I meant." I looked the other way.

"Alright."

I jolted when I felt something warm grab ahold of my hand. I looked down and saw Raph's hand on top of mine.

"I'm sorry." He was still smiling like the jerk he was.

"No." I pulled away and they both laughed again.

"C'mon, don't play hard to get." He grabbed my wrist, obviously trying his best to figure out how to get me to forgive him. I wasn't trying to be stuck up; I just wanted him to understand what happens when you make dumb mistakes, especially in this day and age. I wasn't going to reward him for what he did.

"I'm mad at you. Go away." No matter how hard I tried, my voice was getting too playful.

"Yah don't want that."

I just stayed quiet (probably a bad idea). I couldn't believe just his hand around my wrist was turning me from big, bad leader into small, innocent baby. I tried my best not to show it, but according to Don's face, I was failing miserably. Why was he doing this with Don here anyway?

"Yah didn't mean what you said in there, did you?" He moved his arm up to my bicep, a bit more desperately. Even with Raph's massive size, he could only get his hand halfway around it, making me feel more confident in myself (since Raph seems to have taken all of it away).

"If you keep doing dumb stuff then yes, I did."

"I said sorry. What else do yah want?"

"Asking you to understand anything is a stretch, but I'm going to ask you to understand." I was looking at him in the eye but I had my face turned away from him. If he got any closer to me I swear I was going to kiss him, be Don here or not.

"Ok, Leo doesn't like it when yah do shit without askin first. Got it."

"NO!"

I put my hands on his shoulders and spun him around against the wall. I was sure the sound his shell made when it hit woke up the others, so I had to be quick.

"I'm worried about who knows about _us_. It's a sensitive subject that can't be thrown around like you just did not a few hours ago. Just because Donnie understands, doesn't mean everyone else does." My controlling voice was back, thank God. I was glad it was too because by the look on Raph's face and the subtle nod he gave, I could tell he knew what I meant.

"Thank you." I let him go but he still had a grip on my arms.

"You're such a bitch, yah know that?" He smiled. I felt the need to return it, so I did.

"He'll keep your life interesting, Raphael." Don giggled.

"He already does." He grinned and winked at me.

The sudden discomfort between my legs forced me to let out a sound somewhere between a moan and shriek of pain. I fell onto the ground after I realized Raph had brought his hand right under my groin. I quickly pulled it away and then covered my face in embarrassment.

"_Uuhh_ why did you do that…?" I moaned while covering myself with one hand, now feeling quite violated.

"Everything ok in here?" April walked in.

"We're fine April!" Don announced quickly. "Leo just…" He tried to think of something but apparently could not.

"He's just being a big baby." Raph said.

"Awe, Leo, a big baby? How adorable." She laughed.

I didn't dare look at Don's face because I knew he had that _"I told you so" _look on.

After I got ahold of myself I sat up and smiled at April.

"Morning." I said.

"Sleep well?" She asked.

"Uh, yes I did. Thank you for letting me sleep in your room, April."

"Haha, it wasn't a big deal. You look much better now. Now if you three can move out of the way, I can make breakfast." She stepped over us and started to gather ingredients from the fridge. "Bacon and eggs ok?"

"Absolutely!" Don cheered. "I'll help you."

"Mikey's ganna be up and runnin' once he smells that bacon. Enjoy your last minutes of peace while yah can." Raph got up and then offered a hand to me. I shook my head at him and then accepted it.

"Don't ever do that…" My body stiffened once I felt a quick slap under the back of my shell. I bit my bottom lip and stared at the wall while he had his little laugh. "It's not funny."

"Yah, it kinda is."

I pointed to April who was facing the stove.

"What did I say earlier?"

"Ok ok…no more." He grinned and I managed to seize his hand before he could grab me again. "_Oooh _feisty...OW!"

I had jabbed him in the side with my elbow and he fell to the ground on his knees.

"Would you two cut it out?" April demanded. "Living room, now."

I let Raph go and walked away. Great, all I needed was Raph in a _mood_ to make my day absolutely perfect. The only thing that could possibly make it worse was…

"LEO!" Warner ran up to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. "I thought you would never wake up! Where's your mask?"

"Right here." Raph slammed his hand against my plastron and dropped my blue bandana. In the process, it had caused Warner to let go of me. Whether that was intentional or not, I didn't know, but I had to thank him for that later. He walked away and sat down on the couch but not before kicking Mikey in the side with his foot. "Leo's awake." He said.

"Leo?" Mike's drool covered face met mine and he smiled brightly. "Oh!" He got up and wobbled over and I was more than surprised when he embraced me. "I missed you, man. Don't scare us like that."

It's funny how a simple sentence can turn someone's day around in an instant.


	18. Chapter 18

After we all ate breakfast, Casey decided to take the liberty to bring together what he called a "very important get together." We all took seats in the living room while Casey stood in the middle of us acting all wise and intelligent.

"Alright!" He clapped his hands together and then rubbed them irately. "First of all I would like to welcome…"

"Get on with it." Raph propped his head up on his elbow and rolled his eyes.

"Well ok!" Casey snickered at him. "First of all, I think we all need to figure out why we're here."

Mikey stood up and folded his hands together nervously. "Well I…I guess I'll go first then. Hi, I'm Michelangelo and I've been drug free for 6 months and when I get out of rehab I would really like to…"

"Ok make fun all you want, Mikey." Casey pushed him back down on the couch. "I'm just trying to help! You guys are always yellin' at me for bein' useless, well here I am!"

"Can't you be helpful in other ways?" Don asked, sounding bored.

"Yah, like getting me another plate of food for instance." Mike gestured to the kitchen.

"Come on guys, give Casey a chance." April said.

"Fine, amuse me." Raph brought his hands up behind his head and leaned back into the couch. His left elbow poked me in the side of the head too many times, making me annoyed, so he sprawled his arm out across the back of the couch just enough so the tips of his fingers were touching my shoulder. I had the opportunity to push him away, but I didn't. In fact, I tried not to show that I enjoyed it.

"Let's start with Warner, why the hell are you here?" Casey began.

"The same reason the guys are." She smiled.

"You wish, Doctor Who." Mike snickered.

"Hehe, no really, I'm just chilling. I ran into the guys on the way here and figured; 'why not join them?' Obviously it was a good idea because I'm having so much fun."

"Warner, it was nice having you here but…" April began but then stopped after growing frustrated. "I have a feeling the guys need to talk about something personal and I don't know if…"

"Say no more. I understand. Can I come back later? After work maybe?"

"Umm…sure." April smiled and walked outside with Warner. After a moment or two, she returned with a deep sigh of relief. "I love her and all but…"

"Say no more." Mike laughed.

"Ok, I know my best friends and I know yah guys aint here for the free breakfast." Casey said sternly.

"I am!"

"Shut up, Mikey." Raph growled.

April sat down on the floor next to Donnie while we all just stared at each other as if the answer was on our foreheads. I got the memo a little while after. My brothers were waiting for me to do the talking.

"Leo, you told me a little bit of the story but not as much as I would like to know. It's not that we're being nosey, we just want to make sure you guys are ok." April said sympathetically as Don nodded in agreement.

"I think they deserve to know." He said with a very small shake of the head and a frown. I nodded back at him which said I understood. He only wanted certain information to be spoken about and I knew which one he _didn't_ want them to know about.

"I guess this is all mostly my fault." I began which caused Raph to dig the tips of his nails into my back saying he didn't agree with my statement. I didn't care though. "I've been trying to figure myself out after the Warner incident. Everything she said just got me thinking about our futures and how dark they are."

"What do you mean? You guys don't have dark futures." April said in disbelief.

"Well…we're part human, we have human instincts. Being different makes us unable to meet those needs." I tried to explain.

I could tell right away that Casey understood. He tightened his lips and nodded his head slowly.

"It's hard for us to fit in in the only world we have. Getting older is just getting harder for us." I went on.

"I understand." April said softly. "It must be horrible to feel that way."

"You sure there aint no mutant turtle chicks out there?" Casey asked as a joke. Since Mikey was the only one, besides April, who didn't know the current _incest_ situation, he was also the only one who laughed.

"We should make some!" Mike cheered. "Her name will be _Glorietta_ and we will have 16 children! We will populate the earth with mutant turtles!"

"That's when I would end my life. I can't imagine livin in a world full of Mikey offspring." Raph shivered.

"Ew yah and what if they all looked like him, too?" Don and Raph started cracking up together.

"Cut it out, guys. Besides, you're related to Mikey so they would look like you, too." I butted in.

"Yah but if they looked like me then they would all be on the cover of _People_ magazine for 'Most Sexy Thing Alive.'" Raph chuckled.

"You know something, bad things happen to turtles that are full of themselves." Mike pouted.

"Come on, I'm just teasing, yah big pansy."

"Distraction!"

Mikey suddenly jumped up off the floor and pile drove himself on top of Raphael. He managed to throw him off but Mike still had a hold of him so they both ended up falling onto the floor in a death grip. Don shrieked and ran off with April close behind as Casey jumped on top of the both of them and started to join in on the brawling action. I sort of just sat there and thought about the brothers I've raised for all these years turning out like Vikings. Even though they were a huge embarrassment, I didn't break up the fight. I felt bad for dragging them here so I figured why not let them have their fun?

"Someone's ganna get hurt and I'm not fixing any broken bones!" Don announced.

"Ok ok! Uncle!" Mike slammed his free hand on the carpet floor as Raph pulled the other one behind his shell to an obtuse angle.

"Will yah ever learn?" Raph let go of the arm and claimed his victory. "Your turn, Leo." He grinned.

"Yah, Leo, get in on this!" Mike said. If he only knew.

"You know what; I'm going to have to pass. Someone around has to have some dignity."

"And self-control." April added.

After I noticed Mikey's body was more black and blue than green, I broke up the playful fight and decided it was time to get outside. It appeared to me that they all were suffering from cabin fever. Casey wanted to join us, but I told him it was going to be just us for now so we all could clear our heads. Also, I made Michelangelo stay behind as well. I wasn't going to deny that I felt farther apart from him since he didn't know the Hamato family secret, but I just didn't feel ready to tell him yet. At first he was upset about it not being able to go, but then Casey popped out the video game console and he shut up instantly.

It felt good to be outside again (even though it was daylight out). We all ran across the rooftops at full speed, going way faster than we ever have. My bandana straps smacked the back of my neck as the wind claimed them as its own. For once in what seemed like forever, I felt free again.

"So what's the plan, fearless leader?" Raph asked.

"Run until we die." I smiled.

"I like how you think." He returned it but then took off ahead of me. "Too bad you're so fricken slow!"

"_Oooh_ you ganna let him get away with that?" Don laughed and took off as well, using his bo-staff to get himself higher into the air.

"Show-offs!" I succeeded a small laugh and then started to pump my legs as hard and fast as they would go. The thrill of jumping across the streets and seeing the small people down below gave me a rush that only pure joy could give. I started to wonder if maybe Raphael's presence here had an effect on that.

I ran past Donatello until I was merely inches away from Raph and closing in fast. I looked behind me and Donnie was nothing but a small dot in the distance.

Raph turned around to look at me but it was only to give a smirk of victory. He suddenly dug his heels into the rooftop gravel and pulled the both of us to a halt.

"What is it?" I asked, out of breath.

"You" His voice was course.

"What?"

"I'm sorry." I felt his fingers curl around the back of my neck and I didn't have any time to react before both our lips were touching. He was definitely taller than me. Both our plastrons were smack up against each other but I had to tilt my head higher to reach him. I was too afraid to move my mouth in fear of ruining the moment. After all, I had 0 kissing experience and Raph _obviously_ did. He was a natural, in my eyes anyway. He knew exactly how to move, too, which kind of made me jealous. I pulled away, but only because I had questions to ask.

"So who have you been hanging out with?" I hadn't realized I was talking so loudly. The sound of my pounding heart and lungs were overpowering my hearing.

Raph only chuckled and took ahold of his mouth. "You have no fricken idea what you're doing do yah? I guess I've got some things to teach yah."

"And you somehow have experience?"

"I already told yah, I get around a lot." He smiled as Don finally caught up to us.

"I saw that." He whacked me on the side of the head with his staff.

"_Ow_, what was that for?"

"I feel like you guys don't trust me! Is that why you waited until I was far behind you?" He threw his staff on the ground and pouted. I swear he was like a mini Michelangelo at times. However, when _he_ pouts I feel bad, so I wrapped my arms around him and apologized.

"I thought it would hurt your feelings." Raph admitted.

"As long as you pay attention to me, I don't care. I'm lonely."

"Awe, poor baby." Raph patted the top of his head. "There there, Mikey."

"Stop! Leo make him stop."

"Raph, stop." I said and he held up his hands in defense.

"Alright, I can see who's…" Raph's gaze suddenly left me and moved to the rooftop behind Don and I. "Shit."

I turned my head around and let go of Donnie who had started to back away with the most guilt ridden look on his face. I stood in front of my brothers, not because I was trying to defend them, but because I had absolutely no idea what to say to the rat standing directly in front of me.


	19. Chapter 19

**I'm giving you this chapter now because I'm not going to be back until Tuesday to upload anything**

An old human saying that was a favorite of mine went: "silence is golden." I couldn't help but disagree with that same saying right about now. The dead silence, the chill of the morning wind, and the perturbed feeling running through my entire body made me want to run off the roof and become one with the ground below.

He just stood there with both his hands on his walking stick in front of his small statured body. His eyes seemed to pierce into my very soul, trying their best to rip it out. I couldn't read him at all. Maybe it was because he was quite a distance away, or maybe he was just good at striking fear into everything he looked at.

"Leo, let's go." Raph quickly said to me but I refused to answer or even move. There was no way I could just turn around and forget Splinter ever saw anything. It would keep me awake at night for the rest of my life. I had to talk to him. I _wanted_ to talk to him.

"Sensei…" My voice cracked weakly but still, he didn't move. I was partly glad, too. I didn't want him to leave, not like this. "Say something."

Nothing.

"Please…" I begged.

"Leo, come on!" Don sounded worried and eager to leave. I could hear the quickness of his breath while he watched his leader break down like a little child.

"No, Splinter please…talk to me."

"Leo, don't do this. Remember why we left in the first place. Remember what he did." Raph growled; his voice was practically on top of me playing devil's advocate.

"Sensei!" I snapped and took a step towards the edge of the roof but Raphael's hand on my plastron stopped me. I was mad that it took him seeing Raph and I kiss for me to finally say it, but at least I was suddenly ready for all this to end. "We can't live like this anymore!" I struggled to break free, pushing as hard as I could against his and Donnie's forceful pull.

I didn't know why I was unexpectedly begging him for forgiveness. I knew part of me felt guilty for what Splinter just saw; maybe the other half was just scared at the outcome it would have. Or maybe it was the leader in me ready to step up to the plate and make a difference.

"Splinter!" I yelled to the top of my lungs but still he didn't move. He didn't even lift his head an inch. I started to wonder if he was even real. "Please!"

"LEO, ENOUGH!" Raph covered my mouth with his hand and held my forehead with the other while Donnie continued to pull me back. "It's for your own good!"

"Let him go." His small voice boomed.

They didn't listen at first but then Don was the first to loosen his grip. I looked at him and he looked ready to run for the hills. I've never seen him as nervous as he was now and I didn't blame him. Raph let go next, but he practically slammed my face into the ground. I caught my breath and stood up.

Once again, we stood in utter and complete silence with locked eyes. You could practically reach your hand out and feel the tension between the two of us. "Where is your youngest brother? Why is he not with you?" He demanded more than questioned.

Now it was my turn to be the one not to say anything, mainly because I had no idea _what_ to say. _"Surprise, Raph and I are a couple now."_

Raph swung his arms sturdily at his sides, no doubt from being nervous. "Well if you're ganna stomp on us then get it over with."

Splinter shut his eyes and took a deep breath before speaking. I could tell he was trying to keep inside himself the anger that was building up. "I agree with Leonardo." He began. "I came out here looking for my sons but what I've found is alien." His voice grew into something my brothers and I have never heard before in him. He was saddened. "I am giving you boys an option. You can gather your brother and meet me back at the lair so we may talk like adults, or you can route away back to April's house and continue to run from your problems which is going against everything I've taught you." He shook his head slowly from side to side. "What I've seen here today is beyond insulting. I have not raised you like this."

"We can't get Mikey." I yelled to him. "He doesn't know."

"Leonardo, you agree we all cannot be a family again if secrets are kept among us. Is this why you ran away? Because of this secret between yourselves?" He was stern but understanding at the same time. I was surprised he wasn't yelling at us right now.

"There's no way we can be a family again!" Raph pitched in. "What you did was just…"

"I understand the mistake I made, Raphael. Do you not think this has had its toll on me as well? You are my sons and I will never stop loving you until my lungs are empty and my fingers run cold and stiff. I didn't come out in broad daylight to get a sun tan." I was happy to hear a bit of the old Splinter coming out.

"You didn't come looking for us…" Raph growled.

"Enough, Raph." I silenced him.

"I am not forcing you to return home, but understand this; your actions…" He pointed to Raph and I "will not go unnoticed." He looked past us towards Donatello and shook his head. "You knew about this and said nothing?"

"Sensei, there's biology behind it..." He tried to explain but before he could, splinter had already turned around and begun to walk away.

"Who's walking away from their problems now?!" Raph spat. "He doesn't even understand! He won't even listen!"

"He's trying to get us to go to the lair." I said.

"What, so he can beat us to death with his damn twig?!" Raph paced the roof.

"So he can understand or at least try to make sense of all this!" I grew defensive. I tried hard not to admit that I was trying to make up excuses to ease my own pain but it kept crossing my mind over and over again. I partly believed what Raph was saying but I also believed what Sensei was saying, too.

"There's nothing about him that wants to understand us, Leo! If a father sees his two sons suckin' face he would wanna kill them not beg them to come back!" He punched a radiator on the roof, leaving a large circular dent in it. Nothing about his actions was wrong. He was feeling the same way I did, just expressing it differently. We were both feeling guilty to the highest extremes.

"He came looking for us though. Doesn't that mean he at least has the want to solve all this?" Don asked.

"I guess we'll find out when we get back to the lair." I said.

"Yah know, you used to be the one who wanted to throw all the hate on Splinter and now all of a sudden you're his pet again!" He smacked both my shoulders with his hands until I was up against the edge of the roof.

"I'm nobody's pet! I'm the leader of this team like it or not and it's my job to get all of us to a state of sanity!" I pushed past him and walked over to Donnie. "Sensei's right, the reason we got into this mess is because we kept secrets. We didn't tell him about our "hormonal "problems and look what happened. We caused him to do something he didn't want to do. I know one-hundred percent that he didn't want to hit you, Raph. We all were under a lot of stress." I lowered my voice and watched Raph's temper start to cool as well. "You were mad, I was over protective, and Donnie was scared…"

"So you think comin' clean is just… suddenly ganna fix everything?" He chuckled like it was a joke.

"Don't forget the biology…" Don said softly.

I sighed in defeat. "I hope so."

"And what if it doesn't, huh? What then?!"

"Then it's on Splinter and we did all we could."


End file.
